Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
by Holz9364
Summary: Teresa Lisbon has a dark secret in her past that comes out when an old case is re-opened. Lisbon & Jane are kidnapped following up a lead because someone wants to finish what he started. Rated M for violence in later chapters
1. A Trip Down Memory Lane

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

A new day at the CBI office and a new case awaiting the CBI team; Jane thought with a smile as he walked into the bullpen.

"Good morning everyone." He greeted the team with a smile; it was the usual Monday morning scene. Van Pelt on her computer, Cho with his head in a book and Rigsby eating a bagel. Then there was Lisbon who was in her office presumably.

"Morning Jane." Van Pelt greeted pleasantly while the two men ignored him, business as usual it would seem. Jane headed for his couch and with a sigh of relief settled into its comfy confines. He had been settled for less than a minute before two pairs of high heels clicked into the bullpen causing him to sit up out of curiosity.

He frowned when he saw a very serious Agent Hightower and a vaguely confused Agent Lisbon enter the bullpen together. Hightower looked around at everyone to make sure the whole team were present then said to Lisbon, "You might want to sit down for this news Lisbon, it could disturb you."

Lisbon frowned, but joined Jane on his couch nonetheless. Everyone was now looking at Hightower expectantly and she sighed in resentment, "The case I am about to present you with is very disturbing and if you are unable to work it I completely understand. You are my best Agents and the ordinary police refuse to work this case."

Lisbon looked at Jane, worry clearly etched on her face. He smiled at her encouragingly and they turned back to Hightower, "The case is an old one that has been re-opened. There was a lot of controversy in the early 80's about a man who was never caught. He raped 15 children, but that was only the number recorded by the police, 6 of these children were killed and it was believed to be many more. We believe after the rape of 3 more children in the area where all his attacks were based that he is still very much alive and at large. If this is the case and it's the same man, we need to catch him."

She looked around the team for a reaction, Van Pelt looked disgusted and Rigsby looked angry. Cho didn't seem to be showing any emotion and Janes mask had fallen a little because he looked slightly green. Lisbons face however had drained of all colour and she looked like she might faint.

"Will you take the case?" Hightower asked, looking at Lisbon in concern.

Lisbon swallowed hard and nodded, "Yeah, we can manage it cant we?" She asked the team who all gave her nods or noises of acknowledgement.

Hightower thanked them and handed Lisbon the case file. She left the room and Lisbon stood, "excuse me a moment." She told the team before hurrying to the bathroom across the hall. She took deep breaths as she felt the bile rise in her throat and the sickness come to her. Disgusted with herself she splashed some water on her face and popped some spearmint chewing gum in her mouth to get rid of the taste. After a few long breaths she felt composed enough to go back to work and she walked into the bullpen with a smile, "Alright then, lets get to work on this case."

Jane was the only one who still looked a little concerned the others all nodded and headed for their computers to bring up as much on the case as they could. After 10 minutes they found themselves at the table discussing what they had found out.

"Well we know how these cases are all connected. He's like Red John, he has a trademark." Van Pelt told the team in disgust, the others looked pale, but none Jane noticed as pale as Lisbon who had to swallow hard to stop herself from being sick.

Van Pelt continued, "Every little girl he abducts is 7 years old. If the kid turns 8 when she's captive he kills her, if not he drugs her to the max and lets her go."

"That's sick." Rigsby said shaking his head in disgust.

Jane however was frowning, "Wait a moment are you saying he keeps these children captive for a long period of time?"

Van Pelt nodded, "Exactly a week which makes me think that it's not just a one time thing."

"Those poor kids." Cho spoke quietly and Lisbon remained silent.

"We know that it's the same guy because it happened in the same pattern. A 7 year old gone for a week, returned and the next day another one in neighbourhood gone."

"Could be a copycat." Rigsby suggested, "If this guy was around in the early 80's he could be dead by now."

Jane rose a hand, "You are assuming that because he is a paedophile he is an old man, you are not necessarily right."

"It could be anyone." Lisbon said quietly, not looking at them, "He could have been a really sick 20 year old in the 80's for all we know."

"Why always the same age?" Van Pelt asked in confusion, if she had noticed Lisbons distress she hadn't commented.

Jane sighed, "They are young enough to still be vulnerable and innocent, but not old enough for them to understand or get pregnant. Just the way their captor likes it." Everyone seemed to shiver in disgust at the thought and for a few minutes silence fell over the group.

"We know how to identify them. The children that he lets go are marked." Van Pelt said with great distaste and Lisbon paled further, "He marks them with a number on their back; the last number recorded was 21 in 1986 when it seemed he had stopped. Only 15 of the so-called 21 cases were reported and like I said only 6 children were killed. The 3 children who have just been returned are marked 22, 23 and 24."

Jane was looking at Lisbon with concern clearly etched on his face, "Are you alright Lisbon?" He asked, gently touching her hand.

She nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Continue Van Pelt."

Van Pelt nodded, "I have a list of the victims, I thought we could run it on the Computer and see what they have in common?"

Lisbon nodded, "Yeah, check out the 3 new cases and the 15 old ones for any differences, the tiniest things count. We need to know if this is the real thing or a copycat."

Van Pelt nodded, "Got it Boss."

"I'll be back in a moment; I'm going out for some air." She told them with a fake smile, Jane was really worried now as he watched Lisbon exit the bullpen, something about this case was really bothering her.

Jane was pulled out of his reverie by a gasp from Van Pelt, "The first victim abducted and killed was called Jessica Lisbon."

Janes head spun around, "What?"

Van Pelt frowned as she read the information on the screen aloud, "Jessica Lisbon. Parents Rebecca and Mark Lisbon. Siblings Tommy Lisbon, Teresa Lisbon, Jack Lisbon and Andrew Lisbon."

Jane swallowed as he felt the sudden urge to be sick overwhelm him, "Lisbons sister?" He asked quietly, but everyone heard him.

Van Pelt nodded, "No wonder she's so off today, this case must really be getting to her."

Jane shook his head, "She can't work this case, not when it's so personal. She's just going to get hurt."

Van Pelt opened her mouth to speak just as Lisbon walked back into the bullpen, "Get that list of victims?" She asked as she sat down on Janes couch with a glass of water.

Van Pelt nodded, "Uh yeah, we know about your-"

Lisbon cut her off, "I knew you would find out about Jessica when I asked you to get the list and no matter what you say I am not backing off this case."

Jane's eyes widened in shock, she wanted to work this case? "Lisbon you can't. Its too personal, you're just going to get hurt by trying to solve this."

Lisbons eyes flashed dangerously at the man, "But you working on the Red John case isn't hurting you? Every time he gets away, he gets away with a part of you and I don't know how much of you there is left anymore, but you still work this case. She deserves to know that the man who killed her is where he belongs for it and I won't back off until I make sure he's dead."

Jane didn't speak, her words had hit him pretty hard, but she had a point. He was being a hypocrite by telling her to back off the case; he just didn't want to see her hurting.

She turned away from Jane and spoke to the team, "Do what you can to find out if this guy is the real thing or a copycat. Jane you're coming with me."

Jane frowned, "Where are we going?"

Lisbon however didn't answer him, she just walked out of the door and with a shrug to the confused team Jane followed her, he lost sight of her but assumed she was heading for the car. When he reached the parking lot and saw her waiting for him with the engine on he ran over to her and jumped into her car.

"Where are we going?" Jane asked again, Lisbon sighed this time and answered, "The place it all began. If I take you there you might be able to find something useful with your whatever they are skills."

Jane nodded, smiling slightly, his 'whatever they are skills' she still wasn't completely convinced and they had been working together for almost 2 years now.

They drove in silence for a few more minutes before Jane finally had to ask, "Lisbon, how do you know where it began? Did you know him?"

She sighed, "I knew that he _was_ someone I knew, but I didn't know who at the time or why."

Jane frowned, "If you saw him then…" He trailed off, watching Lisbon intently.

She turned to look at him with shame in her eyes, but determination at the same time, "Yes Jane I was one of the 'lucky' girls who got away, Jessica wasn't."

Jane felt sick at the thought of what that man had done to Lisbon as a small child and suddenly so many aspects of her personality made much more sense to him, it was why she was bitter and withdrawn and no wonder with a secret as horrible as that in her past.

"I swear to God if we catch him I'm going to kill him." He said angrily as he looked out of the car window to hide the true sadness he felt at what he had just heard.

"Not if I do first." Lisbon said from beside him and he was shocked to find that her voice didn't shake, she just sounded determined and when he looked at her he _knew_ the look on her face, it was the look he saw on his own face when he thought about how it would feel to kill Red John.

Before Jane could say anymore Lisbon had stopped the car and climbed out, they were in the middle of the woods and the only thing around was a cottage, but it was covered in ivy and clearly hadn't been used in years. The woods were growing all around it and it soon would no longer be in view from the road.

Lisbon had stopped in her tracks as she saw the place that used to bring her so much joy as a child and she looked up at it in disgust remembering the first time she had laid her eyes on the cottage.

"_Mommy! Mommy! I see it!" A 5 year old Teresa Lisbon had squealed from her booster seat in the car as she pointed frantically at the beautiful cottage awaiting them. It looked like something out of a storybook._

_Her mother had laughed from the front seat of the car, "I know sweetie. We're finally here."_

_She was the only child who had remained awake for the whole journey. Her twin sister Jessica was sleeping with her head on Teresa's shoulder. 10 year old Tommy had fallen asleep with his headphones, 3 year old Andrew had slept the entire journey in his car seat and Jack was still safe and sound inside the large bump that was Mrs Rebecca Lisbons stomach._

_This would be their last vacation together before Mr Mark Lisbon left for 6 months on a business deal and she wanted it to last forever. _

Lisbon felt a few tears slide down her face as she thought of the fond memory, her last family vacation before everything broke down in front of her. This cottage had been her last place of happiness, a sanctuary almost, until _he_ had used it for the horrible things he had.

"Lisbon, do you want to go inside or shall we head back?" Jane asked from beside her as he placed his hand on her shoulder for comfort. Forgetting that the man was with her she wiped at her tears in embarrassment and composed herself into the fearless cop that she was, "No we can't go back now. We need to go inside." She said and as she walked up the rotting steps and burst open the door a wave of nausea came over her.

It wasn't just the smell of decay that made her gag; it was the ghostly familiarity of the room. No one had ever been here other than him and the girls he took there. No one had told the police about it and everything was exactly the way he had left it. They were all scared of what would happen if they dared to come back and show the police this place, but Lisbon knew that someone had to or more innocent girls would have to go through what she had to go through.

As Jane walked in behind her and looked around the room she vaguely heard him say, "Oh my god." As he took in the obscene pictures on the wall. Lisbon swallowed and looked away from them, Jane was still staring at them in horror, "They are pictures of all the girls he kidnapped, if we can ID them and find out who the unreported cases are then we can get a view of the bigger picture."

Jane just stared at her in horror as she sank down onto the dirty bed that held so many bad memories, she held her stomach tightly and tried to swallow down the feeling that was overwhelming her as everything flashed back to her.

"_Teresa Sweetie, its time to go. Jessica is already in the car." Her mother called out and an excited Teresa Lisbon ran down the stairs, "I love you Mom." She said with a kiss to her mother's cheek before running out to the car where her sister and father awaited her._

_After a 2 hour drive the girls found themselves at the woodland cottage once more and they were delighted with the treat. _

"_Okay girls I want you to be on your best behaviour for Aunty Shana and Uncle Bill alright?" Their father asked them with a smile and the girls both promised they would be on their best behaviour, kissed their father goodbye and ran up the wooden steps into the cottage. As they heard their father's car drive away they turned in excitement to their Aunt & Uncle who owned the cottage. However upon turning all they saw was their Uncle Bill who was grinning at the two young girls eerily._

_He walked across the room and locked the door, which was when the girls began to worry. He then said, "Well girls, you're all mine now."_

"Lisbon I think we should leave." Jane said as he looked at her pale, shaken form as she was struggling not to faint.

Lisbon shook her head and Jane walked over to her, "Lisbon I really think we should leave. The team can come back here. We know where it is now."

Lisbon didn't move, she just shook her head and spoke weakly, "We can't if we leave he will know someone's been here and burn the evidence before we can come back."

Jane made to say that it was probably best to leave then, but someone else spoke first, "Well, well little Teresa certainly has grown up."

The voice that came from the doorway made them both jump and turn around. The man looked to be in his late 40's and he grinned at them in the same way he had grinned at the twin girls so many years ago. It was eerily creepy.

He walked in and sighed, "I should have known we would end up here as soon as I found out you became a cop. I had a feeling you might want to avenge Jessica for my treatment of you and her as children, but really it is for the best."

Lisbon stood up in anger, "How dare you say that what you did to us could do anyone good, but you?" Her eyes flashed with anger and she reached for her gun only to find that it wasn't there.

The man chuckled, "Oh I took care of that. You won't be needing a gun where we're going."

Lisbon stared at the man defiantly, "You think you stand a chance against us? There is one of you and two of us and you're not even armed."

He grinned, "Oh I wouldn't worry about that. There isn't just one of me. Boys." He said before whistling loudly and causing 7 men to run into the room each holding a gun pointed towards Jane and Lisbon.

"Try and fight back and I won't hesitate to shoot you. You know I'm not joking don't you Terri? If your sister had just sat quietly and took it like you did then maybe she would be alive right now."

Lisbon made a quick movement forward, but Jane grabbed her and held her back as she growled at the man, "Don't call me that!"

The man laughed coldly, glad to have a reaction from the woman, "Bringing back to much fond memories poppet?"

Lisbon lurched forward again, but Jane tightened his grasp on her, "Jane, let me go!" She yelled at him. He only held on tighter than ever in response.

The man chuckled once more, "I think you need to take some advice from your friend sweetheart. He has the right idea, silence is golden."

With one more eerie grin he ordered his men to bind them and the next thing they knew Jane and Lisbon were losing consciousness.

As the world went black around them Jane and Lisbon were already plotting horrible ways to murder the man that had just abducted them. They both knew that if the chance arose neither would care about enforcing the law, in situations like this all that mattered was justice.

To Be Continued?

**A/N****- I'm unsure of this fic because its so dark and so AU and so not happy & bubbly like my usual fics so ahh I don't know if you will like it or hate it!**

**If I get 10 reviews on chapter 1 I will continue, but if not I'll leave it here. So please review if you like guys!**


	2. Defiance

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 2**

When Teresa Lisbon opened her eyes the first thing she noticed was the darkness. She assumed it must be night, but when her eyes adjusted a little she saw that she was in a brick room with no windows and a feeble light bulb that had no switch to turn it on.

She rubbed her head wearily as she felt the familiar dull pounding of a headache come on. She then became aware that she was lying on a particularly uncomfy mattress on the floor and only then did she realise that she wasn't alone on said mattress.

Patrick Jane had chosen that moment to wake up, he looked around with a frown before his eyes finally fell on Lisbon who was sitting next to him on the mattress. They had been knocked out and both of their heads were a little sore, however the pain was only in their heads which meant they hadn't been tortured yet which was always a good sign.

Lisbon didn't say anything as she leant against the cold stone wall, she felt guilty for bringing Jane into this situation, they shouldn't have gone alone to the house, they should have taken back-up. If they had then none of this would have happened.

"It's not your fault you know." The man in question said softly from beside her, sometimes she really did think he could read her mind and it unnerved her to no end.

"Yes it is." She said with a sigh, unable to look at him she stared straight ahead at the opposite wall, "I should have brought back-up."

Jane looked at her and saw the pain written on her face, "No I understand why you didn't. It would have meant telling them how you knew it was a possible hide-out and I know you couldn't have done that, you should never have to tell them something like that if you don't want too."

His words comforted her a little, but she still felt that this was her fault and no amount of explanation or reason could convince her otherwise. Just like Jane was convinced the death of his wife and child was his fault, he wouldn't budge on that stance and Lisbon knew that it was still her fault that they were here, wherever here was.

"We'll get out of here, don't worry. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt will save the day." Jane told her with the trademark smile that melted her heart, she felt a bit more relaxed until she remembered who had kidnapped them and what he most likely planned to do to her. The heavy weight in her stomach fell back into place immediately and the door swung open to reveal the man she had once trusted and loved. He stood there with the familiar creepy grin fixed on his face before walking into the room and closing the door behind him.

"What do you want with us?" Lisbon asked, she was scared, but it barely showed in her eyes as she stared at him with defiance.

It didn't seem to faze the man, who they knew wasn't really called 'Bill'. He just chuckled, "As feisty as ever I see, I always did love that about you."

Lisbon felt sick to her stomach, but she didn't let her weakness show, "In the end it's the thing that helped me escape from you." She said coldly and Jane didn't think he had ever seen her so cold. He had seen her very angry and very upset, but never as cold as she was now. She had reason to be of course.

"Don't worry that won't be happening again." He said, dropping his cheery tone for a cold one that matched hers, "Most definitely not." He turned his steely gaze on her once more and stared her down, she kept the defiant look in her eyes and didn't back down from his gaze. Jane didn't think he had ever been more proud of her.

Eventually 'Bill' broke her gaze, "In answer to your question of what I want with you; I have unfinished business to attend to." He was looking at Lisbon once more and Jane wasn't sure if the man knew he was still there.

"Your sister died and you should have died with her, but for some reason you didn't and that's not exactly fair is it? Why should you get to live when she is dead?" He asked her and the defiance flickered as a glint of hurt flashed through Lisbons eyes.

"I tried to save her, but she was already dead. Did you expect me to sit there like a good little girl and wait for you to come back and murder me?" She hadn't raised her voice at all in the conversation, but the cold edge to her voice and the dangerous whisper conveyed all the anger and hurt that yelling would have.

"Enlighten me Teresa, _how_ did you escape?" He asked as he leant against the opposite wall, his stance was casual, but his eyes conveyed the true curiosity that he felt.

She stared at him with that dangerous look flickering through her eyes once more, "I don't feel inclined to tell you."

He sighed dramatically and in a very fake way, "Teresa, Teresa, Teresa. Don't think you can use the same method again. You're chained to the wall, there are no windows and that door is bolted beyond belief. You're not going anywhere darling." The grin was back again and the look in Lisbons eyes was no longer defiant and masking, everything she was feeling swam in her gaze. Jane could see her anger, her frustration, her guilt and her hatred for the man in front of her and what he had done to her and her family.

"Don't call me that." She hissed, but he just laughed, "You're really not in a position to threaten me Teresa, you do realise that don't you?"

She didn't answer as she continued to bore her glare into him. He seemed to grow tired of taunting her and turned his gaze to Jane, "So you must be this psychic I've heard of then." He stated rather than asked.

"So this is why you look down on me so much now Teresa." He said to Lisbon, but he was still watching Jane curiously. "You've gone and bagged yourself a rich psychic and think you're better than me."

He walked across the room and stood in front of her, "Is that it?" He asked her and she took a step forward in her stance against him, "I've looked down on you since the day you raped my sister in front of me and I've considered myself better than you since the day you raped me and killed her." She continued to stare at him and Jane saw for the first time how truly strong she was.

"Have it your way." He said before turning and walking towards the door, "I just have one piece of advise for you now that you're all high and mighty."

He paused, for dramatic effect presumably, his hand falling onto the door handle, "If you want to live then sit and take whatever I give you like a good little girl and if you have a death wish then fight and protest."

With that he left the cell, the door slammed behind him and the sound echoed all around the room for what seemed like hours.

Lisbon released a breath that she wasn't even sure she had been holding and fell back onto the lumpy mattress next to Jane.

"You were amazing back there." He said as he reached out and took her hand.

Lisbon looked a little lost and disorientated, but she nodded her gratitude and squeezed his hand weakly.

"He's not going to hurt you Lisbon." Jane said, reading her thoughts once more as worry flashed across her face, Jane knew he couldn't promise this, but there was one thing that he could promise her.

"If he even tries Lisbon I promise I won't let him." Jane surprised himself with the gruffness and hatred that came through in the statement.

"Thank you Jane." Lisbon said with a weak smile as she laced her fingers through his. He felt his heart skip a beat at her touch, but it was with a whole new view of the woman sitting next to him that he kept his hand where it was, revelling in the comfort that came just from the slightest touch.

**To Be Continued ! **

**A/N- I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know it's a little short, but the next chapter should be longer! I will try and update again in the next few days! **


	3. Another Dead End

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 3**

It was 6am on Sunday morning at CBI HQ and the building was busier than it had been when a Red John lead had came up. People were hurrying everywhere and the CBI bullpen that usually held 5 people now held more than 20 as well as all the boards with pictures and writing. The reason for such chaos was the fact that one of their own damn good Agents had been kidnapped, along with their Golden boy Patrick Jane.

Hightower had the entire building working on the case; she needed both of them back alive. Lisbons team were in disarray, they were determined to find their team members, but distraught at the news.

"Who could have taken them?" Van Pelt asked Cho and Rigsby as she continued to try and track Lisbons cell phone through the computer.

Cho shrugged, "Could be anyone. Could be Red John."

Rigsby sighed, "Cho's right, we've put loads of people in jail, it could be anyone with a grudge. Or it could be Red John." He added as a grim afterthought.

"God I hope not." Van Pelt said, "If it is then neither of them will come back." Worry flitted across her face once more and she turned to the computer with a groan, "Lisbons cellphone just appeared on the grid, looks like the kidnappers dumped it in a ditch along Route 5."

"Another dead end." Cho said as he turned to the board they had drawn up, "All we know is that they were taken from the cottage we found, but it was burnt down so it gives us no clue of who owned it."

Van Pelt sighed, "I looked up the location and all I got was that it was built as a lodge for people going to the lake, but it began to fall into ruin in the mid 80's so they abandoned it." She rubbed her eyes, they had been up for 24 hours, probably more trying to get a lead on the boss and the consultant's whereabouts, but so far they had nothing.

"So we have no idea who took them?" Rigsby asked with an air of defeat, Van Pelt nodded and sank further into her seat.

"Well they obviously had something on the case about the child rapist… they must have gotten close to finding him out so he took them." Cho mused aloud and Rigsby frowned, "Why would he kidnap them if they were close to finding him out, wouldn't he just… you know, kill them?" He almost whispered the last part, but Cho didn't seem to be listening, "He killed Lisbons sister, what if he wanted to kill her too, finish up the job." He looked up at Rigsby as it dawned on him, "Wait a second…"

Rigsby seemed to catch on, his eyes widened slightly, "If Lisbons sister was the first victim theres a chance she knew her attacker…"

"And if Lisbons sister knew him Lisbon must have known him too." Van Pelt finished with a nod, "But that doesn't help us, Lisbon knows loads of people and how are we supposed to know who she knows?"

Cho was frowning slightly, "Can you bring up her family tree and check all the males for a criminal record?"

Van Pelt opened her mouth to protest, but Cho cut her off, "I don't care if you think its wrong, if it helps us find her its right." He looked at Van Pelt with such determination that she didn't bother arguing back.

Rigsby smiled weakly at Cho who only nodded in return as he looked at Van Pelts computer screen, 4 names appeared on the screen.

"David Lisbon, her brother got busted for drugs when he was 17 that doesn't really count against him." Van Pelt said as she skimmed the file before going on to the next one with a sigh, "Lucy Argyle, her cousin got fined for robbery. Jason Lisbon, another one of her cousins got in trouble with the police for street fighting." She skimmed the file and turned to the last one, "And Bill Lisbon, her Uncle. He-" she stopped and stared at the screen.

Rigsby frowned, "What is it?" He asked hurrying forward to see the file.

Van Pelt looked at him, "He was charged with the rape of an 18 year old girl in 1978."

Cho looked hopeful, "He looks like our guy, can you locate him?"

Van Pelt spun her chair around and went back to the computer, "No." She said a moment later with a sigh, "He's right off the radar, no sign of him since 1989."

Rigsbys eyes widened, "That's got to be him, the last murder was in 1989, before he came back I mean."

Van Pelt said, "Well if that is him then he's using a different name, if Bill ever was his real one…"

Rigsby groaned in frustration, "Another dead end."

Cho sighed in defeat, "Another dead end." He agreed.

"Lisbon?"

"Jane?"

"Where are you?"

Lisbon couldn't see anything in the pitch black room and Jane's voice sounded further away than it had before. "I don't know." She answered as she looked around and saw movement in the opposite corner of the room.

Jane's voice echoed around the room, "I think I can see you, you're in the opposite corner. Are you chained to the wall too?"

Lisbon moved her arm to test this and when she heard the loud clank of metal on brick she replied, "Looks like it. He must have moved us while we were sedated."

There was a moment of silence and then Jane's voice drifted over to her once more, "How long do you think we've been here?"

Lisbon sighed, truthfully she had no idea, but she hazarded a guess, "I'm not sure, a couple of day's maybe."

"I bet Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby are already on the case, they'll find us soon." Jane said, but even he didn't sound very optimistic.

Lisbon on the other hand knew that the team would hit a dead end when they got as far as finding Bill Lisbon, "I don't think they will. Bill Lisbon if he was ever called that will be untraceable after a certain amount of time. I think the trail will run dry in the late 80's, he's obviously changed his name or going by his real name now and theres no way they can figure out who he is unless they cross-reference his photo with the entire USA citizen database which could take weeks."

Jane had no idea what Lisbon was talking about when she spoke cop-talk mostly, but even he had understood that. This guy was good and he was hard to find. A bit like Red John. And then a thought hit him, a crazy thought, it couldn't be, could it?

"Lisbon." His voice was shaking a little in anticipation, "Yeah?" came her response.

Jane could hear her tutting and laughing already, but he proceeded with his idea, "You said this guy is impossible to find, he's obviously good at covering his tracks and running from the law. Remind you of anyone?"

There was silence as what Jane was saying dawned on Lisbon, "Wait, you don't think-"

However Jane cut her off before she could continue, "that this 'Bill' guy is Red John, he could be." Lisbon sighed, but Jane could tell that it wasn't in annoyance, it was sympathetic, she thought he was crazy.

"Jane, I know you want to catch him, but he can't be Red John can he? I mean you said Red John was one of your clients that you had disappointed and you don't recognise him." Lisbon told him rationally and as much as the idea had been appealing he knew that she was right.

"Yeah, your right. It was a stupid idea." He said with a tone of defeat that made Lisbon feel incredibly guilty, "He could be working for Red John though; he did seem to know who you were." Lisbon said with a little hint of hope in her voice, hope for him, not her.

That hadn't crossed Janes mind before, he _had _seemed to have known him, 'you're the psychic I've heard about' the phrase echoed in his head, "Yeah, he could be working for Red John."

"God, I hope not." Lisbon said quietly, "If Red John finds out he has you captive and comes here…" Lisbon trailed off and shivered visibly at the thought.

"If he comes here I _will_ kill him." Jane said with determination and Lisbon fell silent, knowing she couldn't convince him to think differently and frankly not wanting too anymore, Red John deserved what he got, she just didn't want Jane to get put in prison for it.

Before Lisbon could think up something sensible to say to Jane about Red John the metal door burst open loudly making both occupants of the room jump. When the door opened light flooded in and it took lots of blinking for their eyes to adjust to the brightness of the light.

'Bill' was standing in the doorway once more and he no longer wore his creepy grin, "Eat this and then I'm moving you." He stated as he threw some stale bread at each of them.

"Moving us where?" Lisbon asked with narrowed eyes, he didn't grin at her; he just glared, "Away from here. Looks like your people are onto us and you know me Terri, I don't get caught." The horrible grin was back in place and he chuckled, "Don't worry you're going to love it there. Back to the place it all began."

Lisbon frowned at him, "You burnt the cabin down." She stated and 'Bill' grinned once more, "I did indeed, but I didn't burn down the other facility, you should remember, the place I killed that sister of yours."

Lisbon swallowed visibly and the sign of weakness spurred 'Bill' on, he said, "Oh yeah I remember that day alright. What a cute little scene, little Jess crying and you screaming at me to kill you instead, I really should have, you've made life difficult for me."

Jane's eyes flashed towards hers and she knew what he was thinking,_ could _this guy be Red John?

"How so?" Lisbon asked coldly, her mask back up as she took a bite of the hard, disgusting bread he had given them.

The curious glint in her eyes caused 'Bill' to grin, "You'll see. If I'd killed you I wouldn't have your stupid team onto me, but they won't find us where we're moving too."

She was glaring hard at him once more, "I found my way out, what's to say they can't find their way in?"

He chuckled and the cold, bitter sound echoed through the room, "It's cute how you two think your 'friends' are going to save you."

Jane frowned at the emphasis the man put on the word 'friends' and seeing that they were finished with their stale bread he pulled them up, handcuffed them together and before Lisbon could try and fight back he put heavy weights onto their feet so they couldn't run anywhere.

With that he led them from the room and out the steel door into the middle of a hot desert, from there he put them in the back of his van and began to drive them to their new prison.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- Anyone know who RJ is yet? Hehe! RJ will be revealed in the last chapter! Hope you liked this one! Thanks for reading! x**


	4. A New Prison

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 4**

After a gruelling two hour trip in the back of a hot van trundling along a bumpy desert road they finally pulled to a stop, Jane had noticed that Lisbon looked a little green and he felt a bit queasy himself, it probably didn't help that it had been days since they had eaten and drank properly.

He only managed to give her a weak smile from his side of the van before the doors opened and they were ordered out, as soon as they had jumped down from the van their kidnapper grabbed them and pulled them towards a trap door that was almost covered in sand. Glancing over at Lisbons terrified face he had a feeling that their new prison was going to be worse than the one they had just left.

Making sure neither of them could move with the weights pulling them down 'Bill' pulled the hatch open and told them to go down it, Jane gave Lisbon a nod and went down the trapdoor first, there was a steel ladder that led down into darkness. When he reached the bottom of the ladder he heard Lisbon come down as the weights on her feet clanked loudly on the steel ladder, echoing around the room.

The only source of light was coming from the small square on the roof, but when Lisbon reached the bottom of the ladder 'Bill' shut the trapdoor and all the light vanished, they were in complete darkness.

He felt Lisbon shift nervously next to him and on instinct he reached out and grabbed her hand, "Do you know where we are?" He asked quietly, but his voice echoed around the room.

Lisbons grip on his hand tightened, "Yeah." She replied softly, "He kept us in here." She bit her lip, glad Jane couldn't see her face, "He took us to the cabin in the woods first and then to the place where he kept us, but after a couple of days he moved us here until he decided if he would kill us or return us."

Jane felt her shiver and he pulled her closer to him, "Its torture." She whispered, "You can't see anything, during the day the steel walls heat up and it's like an oven, but at night you could freeze to death." She let out another involuntary shiver at the memories.

Jane's hunch had been right, they were in much more danger here, the cell was obviously sound proof and it was in the middle of the desert, he was starting to doubt that the team would ever find them.

With a slight trace of hope in his voice he spoke quietly to her, "The fact he's got the van might help them trace us. If they got the license number and noticed that he was often driving into the middle of nowhere." He knew it was a long shot, but he also knew how important it was to have hope in a situation like this.

With a small sigh Lisbon said, "I doubt it Jane, but thanks for trying."

Letting go of her hand Jane felt his way around the room, from what he could tell it was very small, but very high. He could stand in the middle and touch each side with his hands. After walking around the tiny room a few times he realised it was airtight and sat down on the floor, a few seconds later Lisbon joined him. They were sitting very close together as the room didn't allow much room for manoeuvring and Jane began to feel a little worried about his closeness with the Agent. It made him feel a little uncomfortable, considering the thoughts he had been having about her lately.

"I managed to escape from here once, but I think he would have learned from his mistake, theres no way I can do it again." Lisbon told him, he couldn't see her face, but she sounded tired and resigned to the fact that she was going to die at the hands of this man.

Determined to keep her spirits up Jane focused on the positive as he always did, "Well how did you get out before?" He asked her and when he felt her tense up next to him he realised he had asked the wrong question.

"Well, the trapdoor never had a lock when he first built this thing, but he took the ladder out." Jane had noticed that as soon as Lisbon was down 'Bill' had pulled the ladder away before leaving them in complete darkness.

"The walls are steel and when you have bare feet and its cold its easy to get your feet to stick to steel. The hard part was finding something to grab onto with your hands." She stopped and took a breath, "I ended up using the corner to climb up, I put my feet on one side and pushed myself up with my hands on the corner, I grabbed the trapdoor pushed it up and pulled myself out." She swallowed, "He'd already taken my sister by this point so I ran as far as I could when I got out, after a couple of hours I realised I was stuck in the middle of the desert, but a car came by and picked me up."

Jane felt her shift nervously beside him and her voice cracked a little as she spoke, "It was too late to help Jessica though."

Jane reached over and found Lisbons hand in the darkness, he entwined his fingers with hers and felt her relax a little against his shoulder, "Well I never heard a lock, why don't we try it?" He asked optimistically, but when she thought about it she hadn't heard or seen him locking the trapdoor either.

She wanted to jump right in and try it, but she was aware of the fact that the steel walls around them were heating up and she was beginning to sweat, she had shed her jacket a long time ago in the other prison, but even in trousers and a shirt she was beginning to feel the heat.

"We can try." She said, unable to hide the slither of hope in her voice, "But we have to wait until night when it cools down." Jane wanted to protest and get out whilst they could, but she was right. Trying to get out now would be difficult; they needed to preserve their energy for the night when they would make their escape.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, both lost in their own thoughts, but never letting go of each others hand. In the darkness it was the only way to feel Lisbons emotions and reactions. When he couldn't see her face he had to go by her body language and her voice, it comforted him to be able to know that she was a lot more relaxed now than she had been when the trapdoor had first closed.

He knew it was dangerous to think about the woman sitting so close to him when he was touching her, but she wouldn't be able to read his thoughts, not without seeing his face anyways, he let his mind drift to her and how much she had surprised him lately. Of course he knew she was his tough as nails, hard-ass boss, but she was a woman with feelings too and she did get scared and upset sometimes. He felt honoured in a way that she hadn't been afraid to show her emotions in front of him, it meant a lot to him that she trusted him like that; he just wished he could return the favour.

"Jane." She spoke up quietly and the sound of her voice pulled him from his thoughts with a jump, "Yeah?" He replied softly, trying to keep his voice as low as possible so that the sound wouldn't echo around the creepy room.

"What if we can't get out of here?" The defeat in her voice broke Jane's heart, he was used to the strong Lisbon that led the team and this broken, defeated Lisbon scared him a little.

"We will." He told her and he squeezed her hand in assurance, "I promise." He added and although the words didn't convince her, the tone of his voice told her that she knew he would do whatever he could to try and make sure they got home.

Before she could voice anymore worries however the trapdoor opened with a bang that echoed around the room, Lisbon immediately moved her legs out of the way as the ladder descended down, realising just in time what she was doing Jane pulled his legs back too.

'Bill' descended the ladder and pulled the trapdoor shut behind him, placing the small lamp he was carrying in the corner. This allowed Jane and Lisbon to get a good look at the room. The walls were, as Lisbon had told him, made of steel and the room was as small and confined as Jane had expected.

However before they could contemplate any more on what the room looked like 'Bill' had grabbed Jane and thrown him roughly to the other side of the room before kneeling down next to Lisbon.

Lisbon was scared, but she didn't let it seep into her gaze as she stared the man down with defiance blazing in her eyes, Jane was proud to see that she still had some fight left in her after everything they had been through.

Jane felt his stomach drop as the man ran his finger down Lisbons cheek, she still maintained her kick-ass attitude and although Jane was proud of how she was coping, he still wanted to beat this 'Bill' guy to a pulp.

"You were always such a pretty little girl." He said as he continued to run his finger down her cheek, "And now." He grinned at her, "Now you're a beautiful woman and I plan to take advantage of that."

The way he looked Lisbon up and down like she was a piece of meat made Jane feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't bear to watch this for much longer and he had a feeling that 'Bill' intended to take it further, much further.

He could see that Lisbons façade was beginning to falter a little, she was letting the fear she was feeling slip into her eyes and it only spurred 'Bill' on, "Why don't we relive some old memories?" He asked her with a grin as he reached out to grab the hem on her shirt, Lisbon closed her eyes, not even prepared to fight, but she didn't want Jane to see the shame in her eyes.

However the next thing she knew there was the sound of bone meeting skin. Her eyes flashed open and she was shocked to see that Jane had swiftly made his way across the small room and punched 'Bill' square in the face. With a gasp she covered her mouth as Jane was thrown very roughly across the room and knocked unconscious.

With a glare at the man and a glance at Lisbon he assured her that they would finish this off later.

"Oh when your boyfriend wakes up you can tell him this. I know you think I'm Red John, but you're wrong."

Lisbon almost breathed a sigh of relief, until he finished his sentence, the grin returning once more to haunt her, "I'm just working for Red John."

Lisbon didn't let on how shocked and worried the news had made her, but instead let her curiosity win over her logic, "Why?" She asked, feeling daring.

'Bill' chuckled, "Red John made me a very good deal, Red John said if I handed Jane over then I would get you." With a smirk he remarked, "How could I possibly resist such a tempting offer?"

Leaving Lisbon with her stomach churning in disgust and fear 'Bill' made his way up the steel ladder, pulled it out of the cell with him and slammed the trapdoor shut.

In his hurry to leave he had left the lamp in the cell and Lisbon was glad that she had light to inspect Jane's injuries. As soon as she heard the van drive away she crawled across the hot steel floor, it burned her hands as she moved, but she didn't care, as long as Jane was okay.

When she reached him and pulled him up into a sitting position she felt something hot on her hand, looking down she saw the blood and immediately worried that he wasn't going to make it. She held him up and looked over his body, she instantly saw that the blood was coming from a cut on the side of his head, it didn't look deep and with a sigh she let herself relax slightly when she felt that he had a pulse.

She shook him gently and tried to wake him, knowing that he could go into a coma as he had a head injury "Jane." She said softly, "Jane." a little louder. He stirred and made a noise, but there was no sign that he was waking up.

"Patrick." She finally whispered into his ear as she shook him a little harder than before. He opened his eyes, looking around wearily and lightening up a little when he noticed 'Bill' was gone.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he tried to sit up, causing him to wince in pain as his head spun, Lisbon actually laughed at that, she was relieved that he was okay, "Yeah, I'm okay." She answered as she looked down at the disorientated man fondly, only he would ask how _she_ was when _he_ was the one who had gotten knocked unconscious.

Once she had managed to get him sitting up and in the land of the living she broke the news to the consultant, "When you were knocked out he told me something about Red John."

Janes eyes widened and without words he urged Lisbon to continue, unable to look at the mad look in the mans eyes she kept her gaze on the wall, "He said that he knew we thought he was Red John, but he wasn't." She paused, still unable to look at Jane, "He said he was helping Red John."

Gaining the courage she looked up into Janes eyes and saw confusion and anticipation, the look scared her, "Red John wants you Jane, 'Bill' said that Red John promised to let him have me if he handed you over."

Jane looked at her, letting his fear slip into his gaze for once, once 'Bill' handed him over to Red John she would be left at the mercy of that monster and that scared him more than she would ever know.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- Wow this is a rather long chapter, but I needed to get a lot of info into this chapter, hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Please review guys, I love reviews! :D**


	5. Realisations

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 5**

The atmosphere in their underground prison was, for the first time, awkward. Jane was silently plotting ways to kill Red John and Lisbon was scared to look at him, the look in his eyes scared her, in fact it terrified her. Had she really fallen in love with a monster? With a jolt she realised that was the first time she had admitted to herself that she was in love with him. With a soft sigh she brooded on the irony of it all, her favourite film as a chid had been "Beauty & The Beast." She was no Belle though, but she was starting to think he was similar to the Beast. He concealed behind a mask; in the case of the Beast the mask was a scary façade, in case of Jane the mask was a cheerful, happy façade. However both in the end were hiding from themselves until Belle came along and changed everything.

With another soft sigh she glanced over at the man she had come to love and as she saw him staring at the opposite wall with such a hard blazing look in his eye, she wondered if she could ever save him. Until Red John was dead Jane would always be stuck in the past and how is it possible to move forward when you're stuck in the past?

Feeling her gaze on him Jane turned to look at Lisbon, at first the hard blazing look remained and her brow furrowed, was it directed at_ her_ now? When he realised her thoughts his gaze softened and his expression slipped easily into a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes and Lisbon had to look away.

She resumed her staring of the other wall, letting her mind drift back to the man next to her. Was it her job to be his Belle? Was she supposed to show him how it felt to love again and turn him back into the man he used to be? She didn't know, but all she did know was that she couldn't do nothing; she had to help him somehow, in whatever way she could.

"Jane, stop this, please." She practically begged, looking desperately at the man, he frowned a little, not used to Lisbon being so forward, but she had had enough.

"You're being selfish and its not just hurting you anymore, its hurting me too." The look in her eyes as she said this really hit Jane deep and it was with a real apologetic smile that he said he was sorry.

With a small nod of gratitude Lisbon lay her head back against the hot steel wall, it must be about 3pm now, judging by the heat. The sweat was pouring off her and even Jane looked like the heat was getting to him.

She knew that they would have to wait for at least another 4 hours before they could even contemplate trying to escape, but Lisbon had a hunch that Jane didn't even want to escape anymore.

As if reading her thoughts the man spoke up, not looking at her as he did so, "Tonight you climb up and get out of here." He said, still not looking at her, "You leave and save yourself." He told her.

She shook her head angrily, "No, I'm not leaving you here." She told him firmly and it was with a forced smile that he looked at her, "Its okay Lisbon, we always knew it would come to this."

She gritted her teeth, prepared for a battle; she would _not_ leave him here, they were a team and teams stuck together through everything. She was also his friend and no matter how much he protested, he needed her.

"I don't care what you say Jane, I'm staying." She glared at him with such determination that it was difficult to see the other emotions hidden in her eyes, but Patrick Jane was good that way and he saw the fear and the pain.

He remembered something Sam Bosco had said to him a while ago as she saw the pain flash across her face when he looked away. He closed his eyes as the scene flashed before him;

"_You shouldn't be working with us, you're hurting people, you know that?"_

"_Who?"_

"_The cops you work with, don't kid yourself; their careers are taking a hit. If you care about them, you'll leave."_

"_The cops I work with? Meaning Lisbon."_

"_And her team."_

"_But mostly Lisbon."_

"**Jane!" **

Jumping slightly he turned to look at Lisbon, she was frowning at him, his thoughts must have been evident on his face.

He hadn't understood Bosco back then, but now it seemed clear to him that it wasn't Lisbons career that had bothered Bosco, it was her heart.

Jane had always known that there was some kind of attraction between himself and Lisbon, the bickering and the flirting said it all, but he hadn't realised that she had fallen in love for him, until this moment.

It was for that reason that he was avoiding looking at her at the moment because he wasn't quite sure how he felt about her anymore. She was his boss and his best friend and his sparring partner, but was there more to it than that?

Holding back a sigh he realised that although he was an excellent Mentalist, he couldn't read himself. Who was he kidding? Of course he was in love with her, he had been for a very long time, why hadn't he seen the signs sooner?

"Jane!"

Her voice was a bit sharper this time and Jane knew that if he didn't reply he would only make her angrier, they were stuck in a cell together that was heating up fast and they needed each other, now wasn't the time to ignore her and brood in his thoughts.

Putting his mask back up he turned to her with a smile, "Yes Lisbon?"

She looked at him with an expression he couldn't quite read, it was somewhere between exasperation and hurt, but it wasn't real anger, "I'm not leaving." She confirmed.

Knowing all along that she would most likely refuse to leave him, this piece of information didn't surprise Jane. However it did worry him; once Red John had taken him he couldn't help Lisbon anymore.

Jane moved back over to where he had been sitting beside her earlier that day and slipped his hand into hers, "I can't decide if I think you're very stupid or very brave right now." He told her, with a genuine smile this time.

She smiled weakly back at him, "I don't know myself." She said and he squeezed her hand.

He didn't want to talk to Lisbon about this, but he knew it had to be done. He wouldn't look at her and would try to keep his mask on throughout the discussion; he didn't want to scare her as he had earlier, "We need to talk about Red John." He stated. It wasn't a choice and she knew it.

"I know." Lisbon replied simply without glancing at Jane.

"If this 'Bill' who claims to be your Uncle is working with him there is a chance that he knows him." Jane said rationally, still keeping his eyes away from Lisbons gaze.

"I thought about that possibility too, but none of the people he associated with are alive anymore, except his best friend, Tony and he lives in South Africa." She sighed, knowing he would not take the loss of their only lead well.

Jane let out a sigh, but didn't comment. With the hope of lightening the mood Lisbon said, "Maybe they met recently, I wonder if they have Murderers'R'us clubs."

She immediately knew she had said the wrong thing because Janes face darkened and his hand began to slip out of hers, with an air of desperation she clung onto it tighter.

He looked at her in confusion and she sighed, "I'm sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I can't stand this awkward talk of Red John and death much longer Jane." She all but pleaded.

Jane let his hand slide back into hers, "I'm sorry." He said and although he looked like he meant it Lisbon knew that he was still not going anywhere, he wanted to kill Red John.

Before the discussion could go any further the trapdoor was pulled open and Jane and Lisbon quickly pulled their legs back as the steel ladder dropped down.

Lisbons grip on his hand tightened as 'Bill' descended the ladder; however he didn't come all the way down.

"Just a short visit to tell you that I'm moving you tomorrow; its time to meet Red John." He grinned at Jane who stared back at him with hatred blazing in his eyes.

"Who is he?" Jane asked, the hatred now clear in his tone of voice.

'Bill' just grinned, "You will find out the identity of Red John only when Red John is about to kill you. Not long Mr Jane."

With that he continued his way up the ladder and pulled it back with him before shutting the door.

The lamp was still alight in the cell and although it gave them the advantage of having light, it came with the disadvantage of making the already blisteringly hot room even warmer.

Lisbon closed her eyes in relief as she heard the van drive away, only to worry about the fact that tomorrow they were being moved. Jane was going to be killed by Red John and she was going to be left at the mercy of 'Bill' and all of a sudden she was scared again.

Jane hadn't spoken since 'Bill' left a few minutes earlier and Lisbon realised he was probably trying to figure out the best way to kill Red John, until he spoke up.

"Lisbon, Red John is a woman." Jane stated in shock.

Lisbons eyes flew open, "What?" She asked in confusion. He looked at her, no longer with anticipation in his eyes, just realisation, "If Red John was a man 'Bill' would have said he, but he didn't. He always said Red John, Red John is a woman."

Lisbons eyes widened at the realisation, he was right, when 'Bill' had spoken to her when Jane was unconscious he hadn't said 'he' at all, he had only said 'Red John.'

This added a list of new problems to their situation and didn't help them much considering that tomorrow they would find out who Red John really was once and for all.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- Any guesses on who Red John is yet? :D I'm going to write 12 chapters for this, so I'm halfway there once chapter 6 is up! **

**Please review & tell me what you think!**

**Thanks! xxx**


	6. Desperation

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 6**

Relief and anticipation was the general feeling sweeping through the CBI building as the news came in that they had a lead on the whereabouts of their golden consultant and their best Agent.

Van Pelt had gone home for some sleep after fainting on her 48th hour on the job, but Cho and Rigsby, who had been working with Lisbon for the best part of 4 years determinedly stayed and kept themselves alert with coffee, lots of it.

They had tried everything and eventually an untraceable source had given them some information. Through an encrypted email they discovered that Jane & Lisbon could possibly be being held in a cell in the desert, the sender had included co-ordinates.

They were wary at first that it was perhaps a trap, but Hightower had told them to take their best men and figure it out, so 20 agents and 2 cups of coffee later Rigsby and Cho found themselves trundling through the desert landscape outside Sacramento, nervous and scared.

Rigsby had wanted to call Van Pelt, but Hightower had said there wasn't time and ordered them to get into the truck and go. They were going far too fast through the desert, but it was the only way to get to this cell in time, the email had warned that they didn't have much time left.

Rigsby glanced at Cho nervously as a yell announced that they had reached the co-ordinates and the van shuddered to a halt. Guns at the ready the team of Agents hurried from the van to the semi-sand covered trapdoor.

When they reached the trapdoor Cho nodded to everyone to get in position before bursting the trapdoor open and shining his torch down it; it was empty.

Cursing Rigsby turned around and shook his head to the team, they all seemed as dismayed as he was.

"They were here." Cho stated, letting a little of the relief he felt slip into his voice, they had been here recently, all hope was not lost.

"How do you know that?" Rigsby asked curiously, coming forward to glance down the trapdoor once more.

Cho pointed, "The lamp is still lit, if they had left here a long-time ago the battery would be dead."

Shooting Cho an impressed look Rigsby regained his composure as he turned back to the team of Agents, "All right I want 5 of you to stay here and keep watch on this cell."

With a glance at Cho who seeming to read his mind nodded, he continued, "We need to look for truck or car tracks, find anything and we follow it. Got it?"

Several nods and grunts of agreement drifted their way as the group began to part to do their allocated jobs. Turning back to Cho, now without the prying eyes and ears of the team, Rigsby let his guard down a little, "We've just lost our last lead, how the hell are we supposed to figure out where they are now?"

Cho shrugged, "Its not pretty, but we just have to go back to the office and see what else we can dig up." He said so casually that it actually enraged Rigsby, quietly, but with venom he hissed, "Do you even care that our boss and consultant are missing?"

Calmly Cho replied, "We'll find them."

Letting the anger and frustration that had built up in the last week take over him, Rigsby shook his head in disbelief at his co-worker, "Fine, if you don't care about them as colleagues how about the fact that our two best friends could be dead right now, does that upset you?"

Dropping his guard ever so slightly Cho let some of his pent up anger out too, "Of course I care that their missing, but sitting around being upset isn't going to get them back and neither is arguing with you. Whats going to get them back is information and I'm going to the office to find some."

As Cho retreated to one of the 3 trucks they had arrived in Rigsby stared after him in shock. It was the first time he had really heard Cho speak his true feelings and with a rush of gratitude towards his friend he hurried after him. Cho was right, if they wanted Jane and Lisbon back they needed information.

"Where's Van Pelt?"

Hightower's voice echoed around the quiet, empty bullpen.

It ws 2am and everyone else had gone home for a nap and a break from the investigation.

After the failed bust that afternoon people had lost spirit and thought the case was a lost cause, but Rigsby and Cho had refused to give up.

The question struck them both as a very strange one, but truthfully they couldn't answer it.

"We don't know." Rigsby answered as he rubbed his eyes. His head was pounding and he could barely keep his eyes open.

Hightower looked to Cho for an explanation, "She isn't answering her cell." He said simply, although he was concealing it well he also looked exhausted.

Hightower knew the feeling, she hadn't left the office in the last few days either, but right now the investigation was at a standstill and everyone needed some sleep, "I know you think you're helping them, but you're not." She said gently as she stepped into the room, "They need you to be well fed and well rested, how are you going to rescue them if you havent eaten or slept in days?"

With a small, rather forced smile she said, "Get some rest, the investigation will still be there in the morning."

Rigsby sighed, feeling that she may be right, rest could do them all the world of good. Cho however had other ideas, "They could be dead by morning."

"Nothing you do tonight could have saved them if that was the case." Hightower told him rationally as she made her way to the door, "Trust me, sleep will do you all some good, try and get some."

With that she left the bullpen and headed for the car park, for a few minutes neither Cho nor Rigsby spoke, both trying to decide what to do.

"She's right, we're no use to them if we're weak and exhausted." Rigsby told Cho who nodded, "Yeah, we should go home and get some rest."

So, albeit a little reluctantly they gathered up their things and left the building.

Lisbon awoke to the sound of groaning, that was never a good sign. Sitting up she found herself chained to a bed. With a frown she felt a body shift next to her and forgot where she was for a moment.

When her head stopped hurting enough for her to open her eyes she remembered that she and Jane were being held hostage and that it was him who was chained to the same bed as her, a very small bed.

She suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable.

He awoke a few seconds later, frowned around the room and finally remembered their situation when his eyes fell on her. With a fake smile to try and comfort him she let her eyes slide shut again, after spending the best part of 2 days in semi-darkness the bright light coming from the light bulb in their cell was more than a little blinding.

Her head was pounding slightly and she figured that they had probably been knocked out before being taken here so they would have no idea where here was. With a small sigh she opened her eyes once more to find Jane staring at her.

"What?" She asked him, feeling a little self-conscious, was there something on her face?

He didn't reply, he just smiled at her, but it was a new kind of smile. It wasn't a forced, fake smile, but it wasn't his usual charming smile either; it was just a genuine, normal smile and for some reason it made her belly do flips.

Not quite knowing what she was doing Lisbon found herself smiling a genuine smile back, what on earth was going on? They were being held hostage and were probably going to die tomorrow, there was nothing to smile about.

However Patrick Jane had a very catching smile and it cheered her up a little, she slid her hand into his as had become a common way of expressing comfort in the past week they had been held hostage together.

He laced his fingers through hers in response before closing his eyes and leaning back against the pillows once more, it was one of those moments that passed slower in your head than in reality, but in a flash it seemed to be over.

Closing her eyes too, feeling much more content that she had when she woke up Lisbon tried to convince her brain that it _was _possible to be able to fall asleep, even with such a gorgeous man lying beside her.

However her brain seemed to laugh at her and every inch of her body screamed as she tried not to brush against him, why was Patrick Jane so damn irresistible to her?

It was moments like these that made her afraid of where they would be tomorrow, he would be getting killed by Red John and she shuddered at the thought of her treatment. A life time sex slave for the bastard she had once called her Uncle seemed likely. For a moment she envied Jane.

She knew he meant a lot to her, but recently under their circumstances she had discovered that he meant _everything _to her. So much in fact, that she found herself wishing that she could die _with _Jane tomorrow so that she wouldn't have to live _without_ him for the rest of her life.

The thought probably should have scared her, but it didn't. Death scared Lisbon, but not her own death, the thought of a member of her team dying scared her, but she wasn't afraid to face death herself. She wasnt sure if that made her very noble or very stupid.

She knew that these feelings would probably never be expressed, she was his boss and it was against the rules, well it wasn't; he was a consultant, but it was against the personal rules she had set for herself.

If they were going to die tomorrow then they would die leaving many things unsaid, she didn't want to breach the topic of love right before Jane was about to go out and avenge his love. It didn't seem right and she knew the feelings would not be returned.

The closer it got to the day when Red John would arrive the more the words tried to make their way out of her mouth, but for now they would stay in her heart and would remain there, even if it did stop beating tomorrow.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- Not a very long chapter, BUT Chapter 7 is when things heat up between Jane & Lisbon so it should be very long and full of Jisbon goodness!**

**Thank you to everyone who has read the fic up to here, I hit the halfway point woo!**

**Thank you to the readers & to the people who review every chapter! Love you all! xxx**


	7. Confessions

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 7**

Teresa Lisbon had always wondered how she would spend the last few hours of her life, she had envisioned many possibilities; with her children (they always seemed to be blonde haired and blue eyed) or with her friends all around her. However one situation she had not envisioned was in silence.

It was difficult to understand the passing of time whilst in a cell with no windows, but it must have been about 4 hours since Jane last said one word to her and she just wanted to have a conversation, she didn't care what they talked about as long as they talked.

The door burst open for the first time since they had found themselves in yet another prison, their captor 'Bill' walked through the door and announced, "Enjoy your last few hours together, Red John has just informed me that you have 2 hours until Red John arrives." Not waiting for them to reply, he left with that creepy grin on his face.

Lisbon avoided looking at Jane, figuring he would want to spend his remaining 2 hours brooding and fantasying about killing Red John, she just wished he would talk to her.

As if her wish was being granted Jane cleared his throat, a little tentatively Lisbon looked over at where he sat next to her on the bed that they were chained too. He smiled at her and reached out to lace his fingers through hers.

Frowning a little he spoke up, "If I'm going to die in 2 hours I have something that I need to say to you." He said and Lisbons eyes widened a little, could he possibly care about her in the way she cared for him?

She nodded, giving him permission to go on. Looking a little anxious which was very unlike him Jane continued to smile at her, "I care about you Lisbon, a lot more than I'm supposed too."

She swallowed, did he mean that she was a very close friend or was it more than that? Not sure what to say she kept quiet, satisfied by just looking at the man.

He sighed, "I was broken when I first started working with the CBI, but you fixed me. Slowly, but surely you put the pieces back together and made me a better person. I can never thank you enough for that."

Trying to hide the tears in her eyes she began to say, "Jane-"

However Jane interrupted her by placing his finger on her lips, "Its okay, you don't have to say anything." He told her with a smile.

Lisbon shook her head, removing his finger from her lips, "No I do Jane." She said and swallowing her pride took a deep breath.

"You think I've made you a better person, but you've taught me a lot about life and the world, you were the first person to show me that there is more to life than work so its me who has to thank you." She said, looking down as her cheeks flushed bright pink.

Jane smiled at how cute she looked, brushing a bit of hair away from her face he shook his head, "You might not think of yourself as a healer, but you healed my heart." With a charming grin at the shocked look on her face he squeezed her hand.

She wasn't sure what to say to that, was he trying to say that he was in love with her? Or just that she had helped to get him back on his feet as a co-worker and a friend? He couldn't be in love with her, Patrick Jane the gorgeous womaniser in love with _her,_ Teresa Lisbon the strict cop, it just didn't fit at all.

As if sensing her uncertainty Jane smiled at her once more, "After what happened to my wife and daughter I swore that I would never fall in love again, but then I met you and you changed all my principles, I knew I was going to fall for you from the moment I met you." He grinned at her as she opened her mouth to say something, before changing her mind and closing it again.

Trying, but failing to keep a grin from her face she asked, "Are you saying that you're in love with me?" She gave up hiding as she let herself grin.

Trying not to notice how gorgeous she was when she smiled, Jane shrugged nonchalantly, "I suppose I am." He said with a cheeky grin.

She couldn't really believe her ears, but what she was hearing was making her feel happier than she had felt in a long time, not quite knowing what she was doing or thinking about the consequences of what she was doing she let her heart pour out its deepest secret, "Well if you're going to die tomorrow I guess you should know that I feel the same. I love you; I have for quite some time."

They stared at each for what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, neither one quite knowing how to handle this new situation. With a slight smirk Jane leant forward and as soon as Lisbon realised that he was going to kiss her, her heart began to pound.

Blushing a little and hoping that Jane wouldn't notice she closed the gap between him as she captured his lips in a kiss. The kiss was tentative at first, both of them exploring new emotions, but when Jane realised that this may be both the first and last time that he would kiss Lisbon he kissed her more passionately, putting everything he had into the kiss, pouring his heart into it and hoping that she would understand how he felt without him having to say the words.

Luckily for him Lisbon knew him well and the kiss told her everything she needed to know, he wasn't lying he _did_ love her, but he _needed_ to avenge his wife and daughter to feel completely whole again. It told her that although he tried to hide it he was scared, but not for himself, for her. He didn't want to leave her alone with 'Bill' when Red John killed him. It told her that he _knew_ he would go down with Red John.

Frankly the kiss, as wonderful as it was, scared her to death. The irony of it hit her hard, now Jane decided to spill his heart to her, when he was going to die in a mere 2 hours.

When she pulled back from the kiss she expected to see that same anticipation for revenge in his eyes, but she didn't. She saw a mixture of emotions; she saw fear, pain, worry and what looked like it might be love.

She felt a little bad for second guessing Jane, but then remembered that he was still only telling her this because he was going to die soon. Still, the fact that he had just told her that he was in love with her; well that was a big deal.

Out of the blue she squeezed his hand tighter, "I'm scared." She admitted and the look in his eyes made her feel like she had butterflies in her tummy, it was a look so full of love, laced with concern.

"I'm not scared for myself." She told him, still keeping her voice stable, until she said her next sentence, "I'm scared of losing you." She all but whispered the last part of the sentence and her voice hitched a little.

Jane felt his heart break as he looked down at Lisbon whose cheeks were a light pink; she was avoiding looking him in the eye. She was so self-less, even now when they were facing death she was more scared for him than for herself, he had always admired that about her because he was the complete opposite, he was a very selfish man.

"Don't be." Jane said as he put his hand on Lisbons cheek, she looked up at him with everything she was feeling swimming in her eyes. Clearly unable to keep up her boss mask she looked so vulnerable.

He could see the fear for what would happen in a few hours, he could see the shame at the fact the mask had fallen, he could see the love for him and he could see the uncertainty about where they were now.

A part of him was glad that he had told her how he felt because he could die without any regrets, but another part of him was still mad at the fact he was resigned to his death, he should be thinking about a life with the woman whose eyes he was staring into.

"Don't be afraid for me." He told her and his voice was so thick with emotion that it made her shiver, smiling a little at the effect he had on her Jane said, "We knew it would come to this one day. We knew that Red John would be the end of me, but you're going to get out of here." Trying to stop the emotion he felt from being evident in his eyes Jane continued, "You're going to go on to get married and be a Mom, but my journey was just meant to end with Red John, we always _knew_ that." He finished by placing a kiss on her forehead and squeezing her hand tighter as she let the tears fall.

It was true, Lisbon had always known that one day Jane would be taken from her by Red John, but she had put off thinking about said day because it caused her to have extreme migraines.

Now that the day had come she didn't really know what to think, she hadn't considered the possibility that Jane would be alright because Red John wanted revenge almost as badly as Jane, it didn't help that he had barely eaten or drank in the last week making Red John significantly stronger.

Since they had discovered that Red John was most likely a woman Jane's opinion still hadn't changed, whoever Red John was he or she had killed Janes family and that was enough to make him want them dead.

With a small nod to Jane she said, "In a few hours you're going to be in a fight with Red John, you're weak so Red John is going to have the upper hand, aren't you afraid?" She asked him.

He shook his head, "Not for myself." He told her, "Like I said, ever since the death of my wife and daughter I figured I would die at the hands of Red John, but I'm scared about what's going to happen to you when I can't protect you."

Almost laughing at the irony of their entire situation she squeezed his hand as he had done for her earlier, "Don't worry about me, worry about winning the fight with Red John and not that you need my permission, but don't hesitate in killing him or her if necessary."

Jane nodded at her, a look of hatred passing his features quickly before he let them relax back into their normal state, "I would have killed Red John anyway, with or without your permission." He told her honestly.

"I know." Lisbon replied, for once not angrily, her tone was understanding. She understood what it was like to want revenge now. She wanted to kill 'Bill' for what he had done to her sister, but unlike Jane she wouldn't go to such extremes or sacrifice her life to do so. Her sister had died to save her and for that reason she wouldn't let that sacrifice go to waste. Jane's story was different, he felt that he was to _blame_ and thought that he deserved to die because he felt that his wife and daughter had been murdered because of him.

It was probably why death didn't scare him much; he probably welcomed it, a chance to spend eternity with his first loves. It hurt her a little that she wasn't worth living for, but she understood that no one would ever replace his wife and daughter.

He could clearly see the direction her thoughts were taking through the expression on her face or maybe it was the distant look in her eyes, but either way Jane understood her. With a slight squeeze of her hand he said, "No one can replace my wife or my daughter, but that doesn't mean that I don't have a reason for living anymore. I can find new loves, but I don't want them to replace them. I have room in my heart for you Teresa. _You_ are my reason for living, but _they_ are the reason that I deserve to die."

She had understood that, but hearing it from him was something else entirely, so she really was the only thing that kept him going, it was ironic really that he was going to be the one to die, it should have been her.

They weren't sure how much time had passed, but Lisbon had a feeling it was at least an hour, they didn't have much time left and as the time ticked away she grew more and more anxious. She found herself wishing the team were having more luck than they were, she didn't want this to end with them both dead or even worse, with him dead and her alive, spending the rest of her life alone.

She turned to look at him as he sat next to her on the bed; he had been watching her intently as the thoughts flashed through her head, "I think we have about an hour left." She told him softly.

He nodded his agreement, "I think you're right." He said and it was with an uncertain glance at Jane she said, "Can you just…hold me until he comes?"

She seemed so unsure of herself and shy, the faint blush on her cheeks made him smile, he didn't reply, at least not with words. Jane just pulled her close to him and let her rest her head against his chest as they enjoyed their last moments together, in silence.

However it was in this kind of silence that Lisbon has envisioned herself spending her last few hours, with someone one she loved by her side and Patrick Jane ticked all the boxes.

**To Be Continued!**

**A/N- Well that was the big development for Jane & Lisbon, what do you think? :D**

**In chapter 8 Jane & Lisbon say goodbye as Jane is taken away to meet Red John….**

**Thank you ALL for reading & reviewing! I really appreciate it!**

**Oh and the part where Jane says "I care about you, more than I'm supposed too" I stole from Stargate SG-1, the episode is called "Divide & Conquer" Jack says it to Sam, I think its Season 5.**

**Also the part where Lisbon says to Jane "I love you, I have for quite some time now." I stole that from Stargate Atlantis, Season 5, the episode is called "Brainstorm" and Jennifer says it to Rodney.**

**All owned my MGM not me!**


	8. Is This The End?

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 8**

Lisbon glanced at the man sitting next to her, they knew that soon he would be taken away to be killed by Red John and Lisbon wasn't even bothring to try and conceal her fear anymore.

He wasn't the man she had begun this journey with when they set out to find the cottage in the woods; no he definitely wasn't that man anymore. She had seen a caring side to him, a protective side, she had seen aspects of him that she didn't even know had existed before and he had told her that he cared about her, a lot and she cared about him too. Patrick Jane, the Patrick Jane she spent everyday telling off or rolling her eyes at wouldn't do that, but this man, this side of Patrick Jane had done just that.

Even in terms of the way he looked he was different. He was the scruffiest she had ever seen him, being locked in cells all over the desert didn't give you access to razors and the stubble on his face was becoming more prominent by the day. She knew he hated it because he had told her that it got on his nerves, but she thought it was kind of hot.

His hair, like hers, was messed up and a little greasy considering the heat of their previous prison meant that they had sweated a lot and this wasn't exactly a luxurious hotel, they never had access to a shower.

He must have felt her eyes on him because he turned to look at her, a little bemused at first as to why she was staring. He tried to hide the shocked look that passed over his face when she reached out her hand and ran it over his stubble.

He shivered, partly because he hated the feeling, but mainly because her touch did that to him. She gave him a small smile as she stared at his face, taking in every detail of it; she wanted to remember him as he was now, beautiful, smiling and alive.

He seemed to understand what she was doing because he never asked her why she was looking at him or why her hand was caressing his cheek. He let her be for a few minutes until the urge to kiss her overpowered him, leaning forwards he caught her lips in a gentle, but passionate kiss. It was slow, but desperate and she knew in that moment that he just as scared as she was.

When she pulled back from the kiss, breathing a little heavier than she would usually have done she rested her forehead against his and sighed, "I love you." So quietly that the wind would have carried the words away, if there had been any.

Despite this Jane had heard her and at first he was unsure about how to respond. He did love her, but he hadn't said it in so many words, when she had asked him earlier if he was in love with her and he had said yes, well that was all fine and well, but saying those 3 words to her scared him.

He was sure this was Lisbon testing him, to see if he really did love her or was just saying so because he thought that they would die. He could feel her intense gaze on him, he did love her of course, how could he not, he just had issues with saying it aloud.

He hadn't said the words 'I love you' to anyone seriously since his wife and daughter had been alive, but it felt right to say them to Lisbon, after all he _did_ love her in the way he had loved his wife and daughter. Swallowing his pathetic fears he looked up into her eyes, the uncertainty in them only made him more determined, "I love you too." He told her with a small smile that really did reach his eyes.

The smile that spread across Lisbons face was possibly the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face and for a few moments it made him forget where he was and what was about to happen, he only saw her.

However reality set back in when the steel door slammed open revealing 'Bill' looking happier than ever, which could only be a bad sign.

"Red John can't wait to see you." He told Jane with a cold smile, the kind of smile that creeped them out, the kind that didn't reach his malicious eyes.

He stepped forward and put weights on both of their feet again, as he had done when he was moving them to the desert cell. He handcuffed Lisbon to the bed, her feet and her hands, just to make sure there was no possible way she could escape and help Jane.

After cuffing Janes hands together behind his back and putting a large steel weight on both of his legs 'Bill' pulled Jane off the bed, turning to grin at Lisbon, "Say goodbye to lover boy." He told her maliciously and Jane's heart broke at the unshed tears she was fighting back.

The weakness, as it did with any bully, only made 'Bill' be nastier to Lisbon, "He'll be dead when I come back for you, no one will be able to save you now." With a bitter, cold chuckle he grabbed Jane roughly and pushed him out of the room, when he reached the door and looked back it was to a sight that would forever haunt him; Lisbon, chained to the bed, watching in silence as he was taken away to his death. The look of fear on her face and the tears she was freely letting flow down her cheeks made his heart sink as the heavy steel door slammed shut, shielding her from his view for what he knew would be the last time.

888888888888888

"Nothing!" Wayne Rigsby exclaimed as he slammed the receiver back down onto its base.

Cho watched him silently, looking disappointed. They had been trying to get a hold of Van Pelt for the last 2 hours, but they had nothing, she wasn't picking up her cell or the phone in her apartment and with Jane and Lisbon already missing they were more than a little bit worried.

"So we have no idea where Van Pelt is and we still have no leads to finding Jane and the boss." Rigsby told Cho, the annoyance in his voice covering the fear, the frustration clear.

"I think I might be able to help." A familiar voice said from the doorway of the bullpen. Rigsbys head snapped up and his eyes widened at who he saw standing there, "Lisbon?"

The woman with long dark brown, almost black hair and bright green eyes could only be Lisbon. She smiled, "In some respect, but I'm not the Lisbon you're looking for." It was only then that Rigsby noted that the woman had a British accent and therefore couldn't be their boss.

Rigsby had walked over to where she was standing, Cho following close behind him. With a smile she held out her hand, "Jessica Lisbon."

Rigsby took her hand and shook it, but the shock and confusion he was feeling must have been evident on his face.

"I know you're probably wondering how I'm alive, but that's a story for another day. I think I know where my sister and the man you're looking for are, but if I think correctly then you don't have much time." She told them as she stepped fully into the bullpen, she seemed to be just as anxious as they were.

"Why didn't you tell us this sooner then?" Rigsby asked in annoyance as he pulled on a bullet-proof vest and threw one to Cho who did the same.

Jessica replied, "I sent you an email with the co-ordinates of the place they should have been, but it didn't reach you in time and judging by the fact that this is now the 7th day I knew they would be in the final place. I would have informed you sooner, but they intercepted my last email and my plane from England only just arrived an hour ago."

Seemingly convinced with this answer Rigsby ran off to call back up and Cho asked, "Do you know the co-ordinates?"

Jessica nodded, pulling a slip of paper out of her pocket and handing it to him, "You should get a helicopter or a jet if you can, if you drive you won't make it in time."

Cho nodded, "Thank you Ma'am." He said before he hurried out of the bullpen to meet Rigsby and the back-up, hopefully they would still be able to make it to the co-ordinates in time.

As Jessica looked around the bullpen her eyes fell on the door to her sister's office, she smiled proudly as she looked at the thick black lettering, "Special Agent Teresa Lisbon." She muttered to herself, her sister had done well for herself.

"Agent Lisbon?" A voice asked ludicrously from along the corridor.

Jessica turned around with a smile, "We must look very alike." She commented lightly to the woman whose badge said she was called Madeline Hightower, "I'm Jessica, Teresa's sister."

Hightower's eyes widened, "But according to the case files you're-"

She nodded, "Dead, I know." Hightower frowned and Jessica continued, "I was very badly injured, but not dead. I guess even child rapists make mistakes." She commented a little bitterly.

"You're British?" Hightower asked, clearly having no idea what was happening.

Jessica nodded, "Well born in California of course, but after what happened I was taken away by the Government for safety, I was raised by an English family from the age of 7, they really are my family now, but when I heard the name Teresa Lisbon on the news and I knew I could help, I had to come here."

Hightower opened her mouth to speak, but at that point Rigsby, Cho and a team of Agents hurried into the corridor, "We know where they are." Rigsby said simply before hurrying up the stairwell to the roof with the team following.

A few moments later, still standing in the middle of the corridor in confusion Hightower heard a helicopter take off and hoped to God that they would find Jane and Lisbon alive.

Jessica sighed as she sat down on a chair outside of Lisbon's office, "And now we wait." She said, the anxiety evident in her voice.

Hightower nodded, sitting herself down next to the worried woman, "Now we wait." She agreed.

**To Be Continued!**

_**A/N- Will they get to Jane & Lisbon in time? ;D **_

_**In Chapter 9 I will introduce you to Red John, but I am afraid the identity of Red John will be kept a secret… until Chapter 10, I just love to drag things on hehe! **_

_**And you will hear me on Jessica's story in the later chapters!**_

_**Thank you for reading & thank you for reviewing on the previous chapters! Reviews are what keep me going! The more reviews I get the faster I update!**_

_**Hope you liked this chapter! xxx**_


	9. You're Foolish Mr Jane

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 9**

As Patrick Jane was led along a half-lit steel corridor his heart pounded faster than it had in a long time, he was sure it was partly due to his fear of what he would face in that room, but then there was the anticipation too, he would finally know who had killed his beautiful wife and little girl, after so many years he would _know _and his adrenaline was pumping as he thought of all the brutal ways that he could kill Red John.

The walk along the corridor seemed torturously slow and with every step he took the chains on his legs clanked and echoed loudly. Somewhere in this building Red John was waiting with just as much anticipation as Jane, listening to every clank and echo, heart pounding as the sounds drew closer.

Abruptly they stopped outside of a steel door similar to the one of the cell that he and Lisbon had been locked in, at the thought of Lisbon he felt the pain that had been lurking at the back of his mind rear its ugly head, he would never see Lisbon again.

'Bill' pulled the door open and pushed him into the room, it was in complete darkness, somehow knowing where to go the man shoved him into a seat in the centre of the room, handcuffed him to it and then left, slamming the door shut.

The darkness scared Jane more than he would ever have let on and the sound of heels echoed through the room, he could tell immediately that the clicking was from stilettos and knew he had been right, Red John was a woman.

When she spoke it was through a voice changer, she sounded a lot like Darth Vader, Jane had to remind himself that laughing at Red John when he was in a pitch black room was probably not the best idea.

"Mr Jane, we meet at last."

"I'm sure we've met before." Jane commented lightly, straining his eyes in the darkness to try and see her.

"Indeed we have." The Darth Vader like voice told him, "However, we have never met under the appropriate conditions."

Raising his eyebrows in the darkness he said, "I didn't know the appropriate conditions were a pitch black room and a chair equipped with handcuffs."

She chuckled and even through the voice changer he recognised the laugh, it was colder than he remembered it, but he knew he had heard that laugh before, "Don't worry Mr Jane, you will find out my true identity soon."

There was a pause, "Right before I kill you, just like I killed your wife and child."

Jane felt his blood boil as the person who had murdered his family spoke about it so calmly, the anger he felt was enough to give him the strength of two Rigsbys, but right now was not the best time to attack and they both knew it.

He didn't say anything, but apparently this only encouraged Red John who continued, "I remember that night rather well, I heard laughter when I approached the house."

Jane felt tears spring at his eyes and he was ready to kill, she continued, "I watched them for a while, what a lovely family it seemed to be. It's a pity your foolishness and greed got them massacred."

"Its not my fault that a psycho like you killed them!" Jane hissed, he had finally started to believe that he was not to blame, thanks to Lisbon of course and he would be damned if he let the woman who had murdered his wife and child put the blame on _him._

"But I'm not a psycho Mr Jane, I live a perfectly normal life." She said and this sickened Jane, did she have a husband and children? If she did then this seemed 10 times worse, how could someone destroy so many lives, but live their own happily?

"I'm perfectly sane, but I have my reasons for wanting you dead and making you suffer, surely if I had killed you all that night you would not have felt pain for all these years, I wanted you to feel pain, just like I did because of your fake show." The venom in her voice came through even through the voice changer and again Jane was sure the voice was familiar.

He knew his show was to blame, he had known for a long time that Red John was one of the people who had been on his show, but there had been hundreds and he hadn't kept a record, "Who are you?" He asked, his voice void of all emotion.

"Wait and see Mr Jane." She told him maliciously, "Now, back to the topic of that lovely family you had, I killed your daughter first, your wife watched as I cut off her lovely little girls limbs, she would have screamed if I hadn't cut her tongue off."

Jane couldn't hear anymore of this, he didn't want to show his weakness, but the tears that had been stinging at his eyes were falling, "Stop." He managed to croak, which only caused her to let out a bitter, cruel laugh.

"Can't stomach the details Mr Jane? I wonder how you will cope when I slowly kill you, cutting off every one of your limbs whilst you're still alive, then I think I'll leave you here to bleed to death."

Jane forced down the bile rising in his throat at her words, he was angry and afraid, but he would only show the anger, he refused to let Red John win and show his fear.

"After what I did to your family I would have thought you would have taken precautions to make sure no one else got hurt, but you are foolish. Letting your heart win again, I wonder how Teresa Lisbon would look with her toenails painted in her own blood." The woman mused thoughtfully, without any emotion other than malice.

"Mr Jane." She sighed as Janes anger intensified at what she had said about Lisbon, "How could you have been so foolish?" She asked and he noticed that the voice was getting nearer.

"And here I am thinking your smart, but clearly your emotions control you. I have power because I don't let my emotions rule, I thought you would have learned a lesson from me the first time around." She tutted at him, taunting him for falling in love again and being weak. The voice came closer still and Jane felt utter dread.

"Not as talkative as usual Mr Jane." She remarked and her voice was now directly behind him.

Swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat he said, "I don't talk much to people who don't deserve to be spoken too." He said it calmly, but he couldn't hide the venom in his voice.

"I think I've struck a nerve." She said from behind him, "Now, I'm going to make a deal with you; try and escape and Lisbon dies, but if you're a good boy and sit still I won't touch her." After a short pause she said maliciously, "But I'm not saying that 'Bill' won't."

She chuckled and the sound sent shivers done his spine, the real horrible kind, the kind that were your body's way of warning you of danger.

"If you're as powerful as you say you are then show your face." He practically spat, the anger winning over the common sense as she struck his last nerve.

There was another high-pitched bitter chuckle and the sound of a mask being removed; she had obviously removed the voice changer. Jane's heart was beating so fast and so hard that it felt like it might pop out of his chest as she walked around the chair to stand in front of him.

"Hello, Jane."

**To Be Continued!**

**A/N- I'm evil aren't I? Don't worry I'll try and post chapter 10 before Thursday! Anyone know who Red John is yet? ;D**

**Hope you liked this chapter & Thanks for reading!**


	10. Red Revenge

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 10**

**A/N- PLEASE don't hate me, pretty please!**

"Grace." He breathed as he looked up at the familiar redhead who stood in front of him.

She grinned, but not the kind of smile that he was used to seeing on the face of Grace Van Pelt, "Very good, surprised I see?"

He had imagined a million different scenarios, but this one had never entered his mind, he had thought about Hightower before and even Minnelli, but never anyway from the team and never in his wildest imagination Grace, lovely kind, sweet Grace.

He felt foolish that the sweet girl façade had fooled him and embarrassed at how much personal details he had shared with her, how much he had trusted her, how much he had liked her.

He couldn't believe that she was the person who had murdered his family; he didn't want to believe it. It just couldn't be possible, this couldn't be happening.

However a sharp pain in his arm informed him that this was happening as the handcuff that bound him to his chair cut into his skin. He looked up at her and saw in her eyes a cold hatred that seemed out of place in eyes that had always seemed so warm.

"How?" He asked quietly, brought to the wreck of a broken man at the pain he was feeling realising that he had befriended her, he had helped her, the woman who had caused him so much pain. He felt completely betrayed.

In the faint light that was coming from a flashlight in her hand he saw her grab a chair and sit down across from him.

"How? How did I become a murderer?" She asked, the cold hatred not wavering as she held his gaze.

He doubted he could speak so he settled for nodding instead.

"Your show destroyed my life." She stated simply, "Your show killed my sister."

Jane frowned, he could never remember anyone dying because of his show, he had pretended to help the dead, but no one had ever died, had they?

"Do you remember Laura Adams?" She asked, the cold look in her eye flickered for the tiniest hint of a second, revealing the pain that the name brought.

Instantly Jane remembered.

"_**Laura Adams!"**_

_**The young redhead walked onto the stage and sat down across from him with a watery smile.**_

"_**You want to communicate today with your son who was killed in a car accident?" Patrick asked and the woman who looked to be around 25 nodded sadly.**_

"_**He wants you to know that he's happy now and he doesn't want you to miss him." Patrick said as Laura's eyes filled up with tears.**_

"_**He's in a better place now and he wants you to always remember the times when you were happy and went to the park to play…" He pretended that a vision was coming on, for dramatic effect, "Frisbee." He finished and Laura nodded, tears rolling down her face.**_

_**He then pretended to feel a cold shiver and said, "He's gone."**_

_**Laura thanked him and Patrick called up the next client. He didn't notice the young redheaded girl in the audience crying.**_

Reading the look on his face Grace said, "So you remember her?"

Jane nodded, "She came on the show, her son had died in a car crash."

Grace nodded, "Exactly and you told her that he was in a better place, a happier place." The hatred clouded over the pain in her eyes, "And then she decided she wanted to be in a happier place too. A world away from all the pain so she killed herself." The anger was beginning to scare Jane now; he knew how easily anger could turn to violence.

"She killed her husband, my parents and herself because she wanted them all to be in a happier place and I grew up alone in an orphanage because of you're goddamn show!" She yelled standing up and kicking the chair to the side.

At first Jane felt guilty, but then he realised that this wasn't Grace Van Pelt, this was Red John and his guilt would only get him killed.

"So you murdered my family because you're sister murdered yours?" He asked her coldly, not caring that she was someone who he had considered as a friend, she had murdered his family, that was enough for him to murder her, Grace Van Pelt or not she was still a murderer.

"I saw it was only fitting. You had destroyed my life, I knew that being alone in the world with no family was the worst pain you could inflict on a person so that's exactly what I gave you, pain and bad memories." Her intense glare didn't flicker as she walked closer to him, "Memories so bad that they overpowered the good ones and pain so deep that it could never disappear, not until the day you died, it's only fitting that it be by my hand."

"Why Red John?" He asked, the cold look in his eyes made the blue look steely. The usual twinkle was replaced by the dark shadows of his past dancing across his eyes, but he fought to conceal his pain and only show his anger.

"I thought you might ask." She said with another smile that didn't reach her eyes, how could she be so different? How could she put on a façade every day as a normal happy woman when she was really this disgusting excuse for a human being?

"My sister's son was called John and this began with him. As for the Red part, well I think you can understand where that came from." She smiled cruelly at him, knowing full well that images of the night he had found his family were flashing through his head.

"The smiley face." He realised, "The smiley face is because he was a child."

"Correct, you aren't so foolish after all Jane." She said, looking slightly impressed, but the cold look still hadn't left her eyes.

"Then you started working for the CBI so you could watch me closely, learn what my weaknesses were and you figured out that…" He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

"That you were in love with Lisbon, yes." Grace finished for him, walking around the chair a little further so that she stood beside him, "And that she had the same feelings for you, hence the yoga lessons." Her tone implied she was teasing him, but her eyes were still cold as ice, the sheer hardness of her gaze shocked Jane.

Jane was just beginning to put the pieces into place, "So you got Bill involved in order to get that case re-opened so that you could use Lisbon to get me captured."

"Very good." She praised, "And it all worked out exactly as I hoped it would, all that's left to do now is kill you." She grinned and it scared Jane, "Slowly and painfully, just like I did with your wife and child."

She marched quickly across the room returning with a sharp knife in her hand, she eyed him up and down, "Shall we start with the wedding finger?" She asked casually, "It is rather significant isn't it?"

Jane had told himself that when he met Red John he would not be afraid, but right now he was more scared than he ever had been in his life as he watched her slide her finger along the blunt end of the knife while she looked him up and down, deciding which limbs to cut off first.

Swallowing the lump in his throat he said nothing and she taunted him some more, "I always knew when it came down to it you wouldn't be as sure of yourself as you let on every day in that office, maybe it seemed you were in control then, but the tables have turned now Jane."

He closed his eyes and prayed for a miracle and she grabbed him and held the knife at his throat, "I think a little bleeding out from the neck would be a good start." She said calmly as if she was talking about how she was going to cut his hair. The cold blade against his neck made his heart pound and then out of nowhere he found energy pulsing through him. Not knowing if it was hatred or fear that compelled him to do it he pulled the chair back at an angle that got the knife away from his throat without cutting him too badly, he knew he was bleeding from the sharp pain and the warm liquid he could feel flowing down his chest.

Surprised at the movement she seemed unsure of herself for just a moment, but it was long enough for him to turn the chair around (he was still handcuffed to it) and knock her onto the ground, knowing she would not stay down long he grabbed the knife, sliced the handcuffs off, cutting his hand badly in the process and freeing himself from the chair.

He still had the heavy weights on his feet, but he had a weapon and his hands free now, she was on her feet again and he grabbed her before she could run for her weapons. Surprised at his own strength he found himself holding her down on the ground by her throat, squeezing the life out of her. Grace Van Pelt, a woman he had trusted and loved like a sister, in this tiny moment of weakness he loosened his grip just a little bit, but it was enough and she grabbed the knife off of him, with venom in her eyes she stabbed him in the chest and was about to slice the knife down through his lungs when the door burst open revealing a team of Agents.

Immediately she was hit with a tazer from one of the Agents on the team. Rigsby and Cho hadn't recognised her yet. They had immediately ran to Jane who was now bleeding badly, "An ambulance is outside!" Rigsby told Jane, putting his hand on the mans shoulder to comfort him.

Jane gasped, "Lisbon."

Cho knelt down beside him as the paramedics wheeled a gurney into the room, "Where is she?" Cho asked calmly, but inside he was screaming.

Jane gasped out, "End of corridor."

With a nod to Rigsby that said 'stay with Jane' Cho ran down the corridor to find Lisbon.

Jane was lifted onto a gurney and wheeled out of the room, he was gasping Lisbons name over and over again and only stopped when the paramedics put an oxygen mask on him.

For the first time Rigsby looked down at the women they had shot with their tazers and he couldn't believe what he saw, "Grace." He whispered, dropping to his knees beside her.

He knew she would be out for a few hours, but he wanted her to wake up and tell him it was all a dream, he wanted her to say it wasn't true, that she was a victim like Jane, not the murderer, she couldn't be the murderer she couldn't be the bad guy.

Rigsby stared at the women he had fallen in love with in disgust, "Agent Rigsby?"

He looked up to see an Agent who was on the team that had helped them find this place, "We need to take her in sir." He said and with a nod Rigsby left to follow Cho up the corridor and find Lisbon. He was in complete shock.

He saw Cho helping Lisbon down the corridor as he left the room, her leg was bleeding and Cho had to help her limp along the corridor as she couldn't put her weight on it. He hurried over to help Cho lift her down the corridor, she gritted her teeth and asked, "Jane?"

Rigsby replied, "In an ambulance, he's lost a lot of blood, but he'll pull through." Rigsby told her, squeezing her shoulder to reassure her.

"Red John?" Lisbon gasped as pain shot through her leg.

Rigsbys face contorted with emotional pain, "They've taken her in to custody." He said as they reached the end of the corridor and paramedics rushed over, taking Lisbon from them.

Cho turned to Rigsby, "We got them." He said cracking a small smile.

Rigsby pointed to the police car and following the direction of his finger Cho saw two Agents lift Van Pelt into the back of it.

He turned to his colleague in shock, "Van Pelt?"

Rigsby nodded and the pain he was feeling was evident on his face, he felt betrayed and embarrassed. Cho put a hand on the mans shoulder and said gently, "We need to go change and then get to the hospital." He said.

Knowing that he was covered in both Jane and Lisbons blood Rigsby realised that Cho was right, they needed to be there for their friends when Lisbon and Jane became stable.

**To Be Continued!**

**A/N- Please don't hate me! I know it's a very shocking way for the fic to go, but I kind of like it and it only has 2 chapters left which focus on Jane & Lisbon so don't stop reading just because you don't like how this chapter turned out and please no hate mail, it will make me cry! and I DO like Grace, I swear!**

**Thanks for reading!  
**


	11. Grief Stricken

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 11**

Wayne Rigsby had made it home to his apartment in a daze, he wasn't sure how he had survived the drive, in an almost trance-like state he had walked up the stairs, opened the door and found himself standing in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror.

_He_ looked like the victim, the pained look on his face and the blood all over his white shirt, spots spattered on his face and trousers, his hands bloody from carrying Lisbon to the ambulance.

He didn't look like the carefree man that he was, he looked like a man that had just gone through hell and although physically he was fine, mentally he was very unstable.

He had fallen in love with a serial killer, the serial killer who had destroyed Jane's life, Jane, a man he considered to be one of his best friends. The woman he had fallen in love with had tried to murder Jane and Lisbon, his best friends. He didn't want to believe it, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was true.

As he dragged himself to his bedroom he felt the familiar pain in his chest shoot through him as he looked at the abandoned pyjamas Grace had left lying on the bed from the night before, he had shared a bed with a serial killer, he had _**slept **_with a serial killer.

Grabbing some fresh cloths and heading for the shower he began to wonder why he hadn't noticed that she was hiding something sooner. As he let the hot water pour over him he remembered when she had said her sister had killed herself and when he asked her about it she had said she didn't have a sister, but she had been lying and he knew it.

Pulling himself out of his self-pitying daze he remembered that when they had found Jane he was bleeding to death and Lisbon was bashed up bad too. Angry at himself for only caring about his emotional pain when two of the people he loved most were in a lot of physical pain he got out of the shower, dressed and got in his car, destination; hospital.

**888888888**

Kimball Cho walked into his apartment for the second time in a week, he hadn't been home for the first few days, he had spent every minute trying to find Jane and Lisbon, but when he hit the point of complete exhaustion he had gone home, for one night and apologised to his girlfriend before heading back into the CBI.

She understood, he knew that she understood, his two best friends were missing, she didn't expect him to sit at home and eat meals as normal when his life had been blown out of proportion so much.

Elise had been watching the news and her anxiety was building when Kimball hadn't come home yet. The reporter had announced that the two California Agents who went missing had been found and were in hospital, one in a critical condition.

She had been relieved that they were alive, but worried for them too, she had met the team and they seemed to be genuinely nice people. The reporter had then said that the serial killer "Red John" had been the kidnapper and had been arrested.

Elise had just begun to process this news when the door opened, standing up she hurried to the hall and halted immediately when she saw Kimball there, his black trousers, white shirt and hands were soaked with blood.

He saw the look of fear on her face and said, "It's okay, the blood isn't mine, Jane and Lisbon were in a bad way when we found them."

She breathed a sigh of relief, wanting to hug him so badly, but he was covered in blood, "Are they going to be okay?" She asked, genuinely concerned.

Cho nodded, "Lisbons broken a leg and Janes lost a lot of blood, but he'll pull through." He was saying this to reassure his girlfriend, but Elise could see the uncertainty in his gaze.

"I'm going to shower and go to the hospital." He told her and she nodded, she understood that although he had just come home he couldn't stay, they were a team and they stuck together, "I'll come too." She said, smiling gently at him.

He smiled back, he would never admit it but he was relieved that she would accompany him; it would keep the nerves at bay while they waited for the news of their friends. Although Elise had only met Jane and Lisbon a couple of times she liked them and he could tell, she and Lisbon had clicked immediately having similar taste in movies and books.

He made his way to the bathroom, eager to get rid of the smell of blood and with a sigh let his mind wander to Van Pelt. He was shocked to begin with that she could do such a thing, she always seemed so innocent, but the more he thought about it the more things clicked into place.

Her relationship with Rigsby hadn't been because she cared about him, it had been a rouse to make sure Jane wouldn't suspect her, her friendship with Rebecca hadn't been a friendship, she had just used her as a pawn, she was disposable. She had joined the CBI team to look as if she was fighting Red John, but she had only done that to make her job easier. She had slipped the poison to Rebecca, she had used Rebecca to kill Bosco and she had nearly succeeded in killing Jane.

He dressed and made his way into the living room, where Elise already had her coat on, waiting for him. She reached out and took his hand, the feel of her touch relaxing his nerves just a little as they made their way to the car, she hated it when he drove fast, but he had a feeling that she would let him break the speed limit tonight, just this once.

**888888888888**

It was funny the way it happened, they had left around the same time and their apartments were equally as far away from the hospital, but when Rigsby arrived Cho and Elise were just about to walk through the doors.

He hurried over to them, with a small nod to Cho and a weak smile to Elise, she smiled back, she had a way of comforting people with a smile, it was part of the reason he got on so well with her.

"Will they let us in straight away if we're not family?" Elise asked Cho as they approached the nurse's desk.

Turning to Rigsby in determination he nodded, "Don't worry they'll let us in." Not sure what he meant Elise frowned as the nurse smiled up at them, "What can I do for you?"

"We need to see Patrick Jane and Teresa Lisbon." The nurse told them to wait a moment and typed something up on her computer, "Teresa Lisbon is currently in surgery and Patrick Jane is in the intensive care unit." She told them.

"Are you family?" She asked.

Cho said, "No, but we're their team." He held up his badge, "CBI."

The woman looked torn, but upon seeing the looks on the faces of the people on the other side of the desk she sighed, "You can't see them yet, but you can wait in the waiting area for the ICU." She told them, "Its on the 4th floor."

"Thank you." Rigsby genuinely told the nurse as the team made their way for the elevator.

When they got in and the doors closed Elise felt it was safe to ask, since it was only the 3 of them, "On the news it said that they caught Red John." It was a statement, but Cho recognised the question behind it.

Before he could answer however Rigsby had for him, his voice thick with emotion, "Red John was Grace Van Pelt, the redhead on our team."

Elise looked from Rigsby to Cho, as if asking him if it was true, Cho gave her a small nod and she shook her head in disbelief, "I met her, I went to yoga with her and Teresa a few times." She said, "I never would have believed that she was capable of something like this."

"Neither did I." Rigsby said softly and before anyone could contemplate anymore on the issue the elevator doors pinged open and they found themselves in a large waiting room marked "ICU Waiting Area."

Sitting down on the hard plastic chairs, Cho and Rigsby looked at each other, both asking a silent question. Cho glanced at Elise and Rigsby could tell she was a little shaken up by the situation. Understanding that he needed to be there for his girlfriend Rigsby said, "I'll make the calls."

Cho gave him a weak smile of thanks and put his arm around Elise. Rigsby walked across to the quiet side of the room to call the necessary people. After 10 minutes of phone calls, one to Hightower to inform her of exactly what had gone down. 3 to Lisbons brothers to inform them she was in hospital, as was CBI protocol and one to Graces only living relative, her cousin to tell him that she had been arrested.

Sighing he returned to the side of the waiting area where Cho sat with Elise and sat down beside them to wait for the verdict on the irritable consultant that meant so much to them all.

They weren't sure how long it had been, the silence of the room made it seem much longer, but it seemed to be around half an hour later when Jessica hurried into the room.

Her eyes sought out the team and at once she hurried over, sitting herself down next to Elise who was frowning at her, in deep confusion.

"Is she going to be alright? They say that I can't see her yet." She asked Rigsby, whom she seemed to have bonded with the best.

Rigsby sighed, "I'm not sure, when we found her we could tell her leg was broken and she had been shot in the stomach."

Jessica looked close to tears and Rigsby moved from his spot next to Cho to sit next to her, "Hey, she's strong, look at what she's pulled through before, she'll make it." He said with a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

"And Patrick Jane?" She asked, glancing at the white doors that led into the ICU unit.

"He's strong too." Rigsby told her with a small smile, one that really did reach his eyes this time, he knew they would both pull through this, they had too.

For the first time Jessica noticed Elise, too overwhelmed with her anxiety to properly take in the scene when she had first hurried into the room, "Oh sorry for not introducing myself, Jessica Lisbon."

Elise smiled, the situation becoming clear to her now, Lisbon had a twin sister, "I'm Elise Chaye, Kimball's girlfriend." She said, noticing Jessica was wondering why she was at the hospital.

"Nice to meet you." She said nicely and Elise, being rather nosy felt she had to ask, "Sorry for being intrusive, but your British and Teresa is American."

Jessica nodded and with a smile she said, "Yes, I haven't seen her since I was 7 years old, I live in England, but I think I might stay here for a while so I can spend some time with Teresa."

"Really? You're planning to stay?" Rigsby asked, Cho tried not to smirk, he had a thing for Lisbons twin sister, this was hilarious.

"For a little while, maybe even permanently, California seems pretty nice." She said, turning away from Elise and smiling at Rigsby.

"We haven't really introduced ourselves properly yet, Kimball Cho and Wayne Rigsby and California is a great place to live, have you ever been to San Francisco?"

She smiled in turn at Cho and then Rigsby when they were fully introduced before answering, "No, I've not been to the USA since I was 7 and I don't remember much." She told him honestly.

"Well I could take you sometime and show you around." He suggested, hiding the nerves in his voice, he still wasn't over Grace, he had loved her and was in great shock and felt betrayed at what had happened, but he wanted to get to know Jessica.

She smiled, "When Teresa gets out of here and things calm down I would love too." She said and he smiled back, "Great."

Cho smiled at Elise who was trying hard not to smile herself, he was about to make a remark when the white doors flew open once more and 3 anxious brown haired, green eyed men hurried into the room.

Jessica's eyes widened and the 3 men of varying ages stared at her in shock.

"I thought you said she was injured?" The youngest, Tommy, shot at Rigsby.

"Uh, she is." Rigsby said and Jessica stepped in, "My name is Jessica Lisbon, Teresa is my twin sister."

Tommy's eyes widened, he was 8 years younger than Teresa and had never known Jessica. Jack who had been 4 when 7 year old Jessica had supposedly died frowned, "I thought you were dead."

The oldest of the 3, Daniel, who had been 6 when the girls had vanished and was a year younger than Teresa said, "You were, you and Teresa both got captured, but you never came back."

She sighed, "I know, but as you can tell from the British accent I've been away for quite some time. I got shipped to England for my own safety."

The 3 brothers looked at her for a few seconds and then they looked at each other, identical grins spread across their faces they all grabbed her and pulled her into a bear hug. Rigsby turned to Cho and Elise; they all had smiles on their faces. In this time of worry and pain it was nice to see happiness as the boys were re-united with their long lost sister.

**To Be Continued!**

**A/N- This was meant to be 12 Chapters long, but I decided to add some other stuff in so its going to be about 17 chapters now, including the epilogue :)  
**

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Waking Up

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 12**

Jessica had hoped for some time to catch up with the brothers she barely remembered, Tommy whom she had never met at all, but as soon as they had released her from their bear hug a nurse walked into the room, "Agents Cho & Rigsby?" She asked the group.

Cho stood up, "Yes?"

She smiled, "I'm afraid Mr Jane had just been taken in for surgery, the wound in his chest has pierced his lung and it could cause brain damage if not operated on." Their faces all fell, "However Miss Lisbon is out of surgery, she isn't awake yet, but she's going to be fine. The bullet never hit any vital organs and her leg wasn't broken badly."

They breathed a sigh of relief for Lisbon, but then they remembered that Jane wasn't in the clear yet. Not knowing what to do and feeling very torn Cho didn't speak.

Jessica smiled at them, "The boys and I will stay with Teresa and I'll let you know when she wakes up. You stay here and let us know when you hear about Patrick." She said.

Rigsby nodded, "Yeah, that's a good idea." He handed her a piece of paper, "That's my number; call me when she wakes up."

She smiled, "Of course." And with that she and the 3 Lisbon brothers had followed the nurse to whatever ward Lisbon was in.

The intense worry hitting him hard in the chest again Rigsby sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs, it felt much lonelier without Jessica's warm presence around.

"You have a thing for Lisbons twin sister." Cho deadpanned and Rigsby blushed a little, "Well I…she's attractive."

"So you find Lisbon attractive?" The faint blush on Rigsbys cheeks intensified, "Well she's my boss I'm not supposed too, but I do think so and Jessica's so carefree and…I like her okay?"

Cho smiled, very slightly, "She's good for you." He told his friend who frowned in response, "What do you mean?"

Cho shrugged, "She's good for you." He stated again.

Elise rolled her eyes, "He means that she's a good match for you, you two hit it off really well."

Rigsby groaned, "Just wait until the boss finds out."

"She'll kill you." Cho said and Elise playfully hit his arm, "She will be happy that her team mate and her sister are happy, don't listen to Mr Negative over here." She glared playfully at Cho who shrugged and compromised, "She won't kill you, but she might shoot you."

"Kimball!"

**888888888888**

As Jessica sat by her sister's bedside, holding her hand and looking down at her sleeping form she realised just how alike they really were, she knew that identical twins were sometimes not so identical, but they looked like they could be the same person.

Teresa looked like her life had been harder than Jessica's, the slight crease lines on her forehead told her that she had been very stressed very often. She found herself wondering about Teresa's childhood in comparison to hers and as if sensing her thoughts Daniel came to sit next to her by Teresa's bed.

"She had a tough life." He said, somewhat sadly, "You probably don't remember Mom and Dad or even have pictures, but Mom died when Teresa was 12, the rest of us were just kids when it happened."

Jessica was disappointed; she had been looking forward to meeting her real mother.

"Dad couldn't take it and he became an alcoholic. Teresa had to take care of him and us for 4 years and when she was 16 he killed himself." Daniel said, struggling to look at Jessica as he spoke, "I was 15 and she always had to get me out of trouble at school, Jack was 13 and was failing all his subjects because of all the stuff going on and Tommy was only 8 and Teresa practically raised him."

Jessica had tears brimming her eyes as Daniel said, "She gave up college for us and ended up joining the police, when she worked her way up and got into the CBI we were all so proud of her, she was our mother in so many respects"

Jessica let a couple of tears fall, it seemed so unfair, she felt so selfish, "I feel so selfish. You grew up in such horrible conditions and I was in England in a big mansion with my own pony." She said bitterly, "If I had just tried to help sooner." She sighed and Tommy stepped forward, "It wasn't your fault, it was for your own protection." He told her and with a small nod she agreed, but it didn't make the guilt go away.

A moan from the bed distracted them and they all turned immediately to see that Lisbon was tossing and turning, after a few seconds she opened her eyes, scanned the room and saw her brothers before her eyes fell on the woman identical to her.

Her eyes widened, "Am I dead?" She asked, trying to sit up, but the sharp pain that shot through her side convinced her that she was alive.

Jessica laughed, "No, you're alive. Thank goodness."

She frowned, "But you're dead and what's with the English accent?"

Jessica smiled, "I got taken away to England for my own safety after what happened, they thought it was best to separate us. I came here as soon as I found out they had kidnapped you."

Lisbon stared at her sister in shock, "Jessica." She whispered and she hugged her sister as tightly as she could without hurting herself in the process.

Her brothers looked on with a smile and when she pulled back from the hug the realisation of where she was and what had happened dawned on her, "Jane." She whispered, sitting up too fast and wincing, but not caring about her pain anymore, "Where's Jane?" She asked a little frantically.

Jessica put her hand on Lisbons arm to make sure she didn't move too much and hurt herself, "He's in surgery." She said gently.

Fear flashed through her eyes, "Whats wrong with him?" She asked weakly.

Tommy stepped in, "He was stabbed and his lung was punctured, they had to do the surgery immediately."

"But he's going to be okay?" She asked, looking at their anxious faces.

"He'll be fine, he's strong." Jessica told her sister who leaned back a little, but was clearly still anxious about the mans condition.

"I asked Wayne to call me when they hear anything about him, if they find out anything we'll be the first to know." Jessica told her sister kindly and Lisbon raised an eyebrow at the woman, "Wayne?"

She smiled, "He very kindly offered to show me San Francisco one day." She said innocently, but it was clearly a date.

Lisbon chuckled, then winced as the pain in her side shot through her, "Did Rigsby and Cho get Red John?" She asked suddenly and an awkward look appeared on Jessica's face as she answered, "Yeah, she's been arrested and they are talking about charging her with the death penalty."

"But?" Lisbon asked, a little anxious about the look on Jessica's face.

"Red John is Grace Van Pelt, you're colleague." Jessica told her, unable to look her in the eye.

Lisbon looked shocked, but her jaw didn't drop and she didn't gasp in surprise, the more she thought about it the pieces fitted and just like Cho and Rigsby had she put the puzzle together, if only they had seen the situation with hindsight like they were now.

"Van Pelt, I imagined so many scenarios, I thought of everyone, but I never imagined that it was someone on my team." Her brow furrowed, "Someone who I trusted and befriended." She let out a disappointed sigh, "I went to yoga with her and I went out for coffee with her."

Her face then fell as she thought of the others and how they would take it; Cho would be ashamed that he had worked with her for so long without realising that she was a murderer. Jane would feel stupid for not seeing the signs and embarrassed for sharing so much personal information with her and Rigsby, god Rigsby would be devastated, utterly devastated. He had loved her, he had fallen hard for her and she was a mad serial killer.

**8888888888888**

"Its been almost 2 hours since they took him in." Rigsby commented as he returned from the drinks round, handing Cho and Elise their coffee he took once more to pacing and drinking the soothing warm liquid. It was now almost midnight and he needed the stuff to keep him awake.

The white doors opened for the second time that evening and the same nurse who had spoken to them earlier walked in, "Mr Jane is out of surgery, we successfully managed to repair his lung and stop the bleeding. You can see him if you like."

Sighing in relief the trio stood up and followed the nurse through the ICU unit until they reached a small room and saw Jane lying unconscious.

"Stay as long as you need too." She told them kindly and she left the room.

As soon as the nurse was gone Cho closed the door and pulled the blinds by the window down. With a grateful smile Rigsby dialled Jessica's number, "Hello." She answered; she seemed happy which was a good sign.

"Hey Jessica, uh its Wayne." He said pathetically.

Her voice brightened up, "Oh hey Wayne, Teresa woke up about 10 minutes ago, but they medicated her again for the pain so she's out again. Any news on Patrick?"

Rigsby replied, "Yeah we're with him now, he's still unconscious, but the nurse said he's going to be fine so you can let Lisbon know when she wakes up."

"Sure thing, do you want me to come up and sit with you or are you alright?" She asked kindly.

Elise smirked at Cho who couldn't hide his smile, Lisbons twin had a thing for Rigsby and vice-versa, if Jane was awake right now he would be laughing so much.

"Uh thanks for the offer, but its fine. You stay with Lisbon." He told her, his cheeks burning red as he glared at Cho and Elise.

"Okay, see you later." She said before hanging up the phone. Once the line was dead he turned to Cho in annoyance, "What was that all about?" He asked.

Before Cho could answer Jane spoke up, "What was what all about? What did I miss?"

Turning to find Jane looking between the 3 of them in amusement Cho said, "Rigsby and Jessica have a thing for each other."

Jane frowned, "Whose Jessica?" He asked. Cho had forgotten that he had missed all of the drama what with being kidnapped and in surgery and all that.

"Oh Lisbons twin sister Jessica, she survived and got taken to England for her safety, but she's moving back to California and Rigsby asked her on a date." Cho stated, sitting down on a chair by his bed.

Jane processed all this information and then his reaction was to laugh, "You're going on a date with Lisbons twin sister?" He grinned, "So you find her attractive right?"

Rigsby mumbled, "S'pose so."

Jane just continued to laugh, "Which means you find Lisbon attractive, I can't wait to tell Lisbon all of this." As if suddenly remembering the situation he asked, "Where is Lisbon?" The panic in his voice told them he was assuming the worst had happened.

"Two levels down." Rigsby said, "She got shot."

Jane's eyes widened, but Elise said with her comforting smile, "She's fine, she's just out of surgery like you, but her family are down there with her."

Jane smiled back at Elise, the woman was a very comforting person, the entire team had warmed to her immediately, even Van Pelt, the murderer Van Pelt.

"Red John." He mumbled and with a venom in his voice Rigsby said, "Is in custody where she deserves to be."

Jane gave the man a smile as comforting as he could muster, "You'll be fine." He told the man, seeing through his tough façade.

He then crossed his arms stubbornly, "I want to see Lisbon."

Rigsby rolled his eyes, "You can't, your both still bed-ridden."

"So? Put me in a wheelchair or something I want to see her." Jane said, god he was stubborn.

"Please?" He asked, a little nicer with a big fake smile to Cho who just raised an eyebrow, "Nurse said you have to stay in this room."

Elise, the bright young woman that she was said, "You got out of surgery half an hour ago, you're not going anywhere."

Jane groaned, "Can I call her?" He asked and Rigsby shook his head, "She's asleep, they put her on meds for the pain."

The consultant looked thoroughly annoyed that he couldn't see the person he really wanted to see, but settled back in his pillows, "Guess you guys will just have to do then." He said playfully.

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- More Jane/Lisbon interaction in the next chapter and more about the fate of Red John/Grace.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	13. Recovering

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 13**

"What do you want Jane?"

"Ah, Madeline. A favour would be nice."

Jane had 'borrowed' Rigsbys phone to make a call to Hightower, he had been lying awake in the hospital for about 3 hours now and he still hadn't got the team to let him see Lisbon.

He wondered why Hightower sounded so pissed and then he remembered that it was almost 4am.

"You want a favour at 4am? And aren't you in the hospital?" She asked, her voice thick with sleep.

"Yes, that is what the favour entails. The lovely nurses here won't let me see Lisbon so could you tweak a couple of things so that I can be in a private room with her?" Jane asked, in his oh-so-charming way.

Hightower seemed much more awake now, "Why do you want to share a private room with Lisbon?" She asked suspiciously.

"Just for the team you know, they have to keep flitting between the 2nd floor and the 4th floor, it would be easier if we were in a room together." He lied easily, but he was pretty sure that Hightower wasn't convinced, "And does Lisbon agree with this?"

"Of course she does." Jane said, grinning to himself, she had no idea.

Hightower sighed, "I'll see what I can do, get some sleep Jane."

With that the line went dead and he knew he had his way, come morning he would be in a room with Lisbon and he could talk to her until his heart was content.

**88888888888**

The bright light that was shining through the window as the early morning sun glared in was what awoke him. Jane looked around the little white room and smiled at the scene before him. Cho was asleep on the sofa and Elise was asleep next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.

On the chair next to his bed Rigsby was asleep, his head resting on the bed. As he looked around at those 3 people he realised they were 3 of the 4 most important people in his life and they had stayed here all night to make sure he was okay, because they cared about him. He felt overwhelmed with emotion, but Rigsby woke up and he refused to let the man see the emotion he was feeling.

"Hey man." Rigsby said yawning and Jane smiled, "Good morning." He said cheerily.

Rigsby narrowed his eyes at him, "What did you do?" He asked suspiciously, but at that moment the door opened and a nurse came in, "Good morning Mr Jane, you're being moved to a private ward with your colleague Miss Lisbon this morning, as requested by your superior Agent Hightower."

Rigsby looked at him in disbelief and Cho who had just woken up at the sound of the door opening shook his head in amusement as Jane grinned, "Excellent." He said simply.

**888888888**

When Lisbon awoke for the second time she noticed that something was different about her surroundings. She was still in a white room, but it was bigger. She looked around and saw the room was full of people. Next to her bed was Janes, he grinned cheekily at her as Rigsby, Cho, Elise and her family all watched her reaction.

She carefully sat herself up and turned to look suspiciously at Jane, "What did you do?" She asked and Jane just chuckled, "I may have made a call to Hightower."

Lisbon rolled her eyes, "I didn't think you were that desperate to see me." She said with a grin.

"Trust me, he was." Rigsby told her, "He wouldn't stop whining about how it wasn't fair that he wasn't allowed to see you."

Jane shrugged, "Needed to check you were okay."

Lisbon chuckled at him, "You know for a mentalist you really are a terrible liar sometimes."

He grinned, "Only to you my dear."

Rigsby rolled his eyes at Jessica who just smiled in return, she thought her sister's relationship with the blonde man was sweet, but then again Rigsby had been around them almost every day for 2 years, he probably got sick of the flirting.

Cho spoke up in the comfortable silence, "We have to go. Hightower needs me and Rigsby at the office to tidy up this mess."

Lisbon smiled, "Say hello to her for me."

Jane grinned, "You can say hello to her yourself, she's visiting this morning."

She turned to the man with an amused look on her face, "And you know this how?"

He smirked, "I'm psychic."

"She called him this morning." Cho deadpanned and Jane made a face at the man, "We'll stop by and visit later." Cho said and with a quick goodbye he and Elise left.

"Don't you have to go too?" Jessica asked Rigsby who was sitting beside her, he tore his eyes away from her, "What? Oh yeah." He said standing up quickly, Jessica smiled slightly, "I'll see you tonight." She said.

"You will?" He asked and she grinned, "When you visit later."

His cheeks flushed pink, "Oh right, bye." He mumbled before fleeing the room.

This left Jane and Lisbon alone with her brothers and Jessica. Jane was chuckling as he watched Rigsby leave, "He's got quite a thing for you." Jane stated.

Jessica smiled, "He's very sweet." She said before introducing herself, "I'm Jessica Lisbon, but I'm sure you've heard by now."

Jane shook her head, "Patrick Jane and yes, I'm sure the others had mentioned a twin sister."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at him, "I have to spend 24 hours in a room with you for the next month, this is going to be hell."

He grinned, "You're a liar, you love me."

She flushed pink and her youngest brother, Tommy grinned at her, "The way she talked about you last Christmas I would have to agree." He said.

Lisbon rolled her eyes at her brother, "I would deny it, but I'm pretty sure I admitted it when I thought we were going to die."

Jane shrugged, "Might have brought it up in the passing." He said with a cheeky smile her way.

Tommy chuckled, placing a kiss on his sister's cheek, "I'm glad you're alright Teresa, but I really have to go to work, I'll stop by in a few days."

Lisbon smiled, "Bye Tommy." She said and then there were 5.

Jack and Daniel left quickly too, Jack had to get back home to watch the kids as his wife was working and Daniel had work to go to that afternoon too. By the time it hit 9am the only remaining visitor was Jessica.

"I've got nowhere I need to be." She told them honestly with a smile as she sat down on the sofa, "I should probably start looking for an apartment soon though."

"Don't be ridiculous Jessica, you can stay with me." Lisbon told her sister genuinely, but Jessica just shook her head, "As soon as you get out of here you'll have Patrick moving in with you, I would only be a burden." She never noticed the look that passed over both of their faces as she left to go and get breakfast.

When she was gone Lisbon looked over to Jane, "So…uh…are we like…dating?" She asked awkwardly and a grin spread across Janes face at the awkwardness of her words, "Well since you finally admitted your undying love for me." She rolled her eyes, "and since I admitted that I have fallen for you too I would say we were pretty much dating."

"Of course I must still ask. Teresa Lisbon, would you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?" He grinned one of his trademark grins, the kind that could charm anyone into doing what he wanted them too.

"Jeez Jane you're not proposing." She muttered to hide her embarrassment at the entire conversation.

"You never answered my question." He smirked.

"Of course I want to be your girlfriend." She said and her cheeks flushed pink at her own words.

Jane only grinned at her, "Well I'm glad you said yes, I would have had to kill you if you said no."

Before she could think up a retort back at the man the door opened and Hightower walked in. She took one look at Janes grin and Lisbons flushed cheeks before clearing her throat, "I've got some good and bad news for you." She said, making her way over to the sofa and sitting down.

"Grace Van Pelt confessed to being Red John, but we had to pretend that you were dead to get a confession." She said to Jane, she was clearly stressed and he could understand why. A serial killer had been working for them for 2 years and no one had cottoned on.

"So what's the punishment?" Lisbon asked, sitting up further in her bed, wincing as she did so.

"It took a lot of people to decide, but the death penalty." Lisbons eyes widened, the death penalty was reserved for only the worst criminals, "She's a crazy serial killer who proved very hard to catch, the government think the only way to make sure she doesn't hurt anyone else is to kill her."

Lisbon glanced over at Jane, he didn't seem fazed by this, but he didn't seem particularly happy either, wasn't this what he had wanted? Red John dead and his family avenged?

"That makes sense I guess." Lisbon said weakly before asking, "How are things at the CBI?"

Hightower sighed and answered honestly, "A complete shambles, my job is on the line and the entire bureau is getting slandered for having the enemy under our roof for 2 years."

"You couldn't have known." Lisbon said, surprised to find herself defending the woman who had threatened her job on many occasions.

"I appreciate you're support Lisbon." Hightower said, genuinely appreciating what the other Agent had said, but she had business to attend too.

"Now, it has come to my attention that you two are involved in a romantic relationship. How long has this being going on for?" Hightower asked, snapping back into business mode easily.

Lisbon knew that one of the Agents from the team that had saved them had probably informed her, she and Jane hadn't exactly been trying to conceal it because they knew it wasn't against the rules.

"Since yesterday." Jane answered honestly, speaking up for the first time since Hightower had come into the room.

She didn't look convinced so Lisbon said, "We thought that we were going to die and ended up telling each other…stuff."

Hightower smiled ever so slightly, "As you know it is not against the rules as Jane is a consultant and you are an Agent, However it is still frowned upon and if you're work is affected I will transfer you Lisbon, understood?"

Lisbon nodded, "Yes ma'am."

Hightower smiled briefly at them both, "I have to get back to the CBI, there is a big mess to sort out."

And she was gone as first as she came.

"Well, that went well." Jane said, looking over at Lisbon who didn't roll her eyes for once, "It did." She said with a smile.

"I meant what I said back there." Jane told her, "I didn't just say it because I thought I was going to die, I do love you." The look in his eyes sent butterflies fluttering through her belly.

She tried to keep the grin off her face as she said, "I meant what I said as well, I love you too."

Jane grinned, "Don't try and fight the smile _Teresa._" He said, putting emphasis on her name, "You know you wanna grin like a schoolgirl who just got asked out by her crush."

Lisbon wanted to roll her eyes and hit him playfully, but she let him win, just this once and grinned, "Whatever you say _Patrick._"

**To Be Continued!**

**A/N- Woo nearly done! I've written in my plan that this will have 16 chapters and then the epilogue! I wanted to finish it today, but I don't think that will be happening!**


	14. Letting Go of The Past

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 14**

She had been in the hospital with him for a week and already she was missing her gun. At first it had been fun, they had learned a lot about each other and shamelessly flirted, but then he started to get bored of sitting in bed all day, he wanted to get out of the hospital and being stuck in it was making her cranky too.

They had established that a cranky Jane and a cranky Lisbon did not mix well, at all.

However the crankiness disappeared early on Saturday morning when Elise stopped by on her way to work.

"Good morning." She said happily to the pair as she sat down on the edge of Lisbons bed, since Grace had been ousted as a mad serial killer Jane had noticed that Lisbon seemed to be getting closer to Elise and she and her sister Jessica got on brilliantly too.

"Morning." Lisbon said with a smile, glad to have anyone other than Jane to talk too.

She put her hand up to the late and wiggled her fingers, Lisbon gasped as she saw a ring glittering there, "Congratulations!" She squealed in a very Un-Lisbonish way.

"Congrats." Jane told her with a smile after she had hugged Lisbon.

"Thanks." She beamed at him, "He asked me last night, he said he realised after what happened with you two that life was short and he didn't want any regrets then he asked me to marry him!"

Lisbon was obviously genuinely happy for her friend because she was smiling almost as much as Elise was, "That's really sweet, have you set a date yet?"

She sat back down on Lisbons bed, "Not a specific date, but we decided we would get married in the fall, early August." She beamed as she talked about it, "We want you two to be completely healed before the wedding."

Lisbon thought ahead, it was early June now, they got released in 3 weeks and they had to have a months rest at home before they could go back to work so by the time it got to late July they should be good as new. She was honoured that they had set the wedding aside in order to wait for Jane and herself to get better.

"I have a favour I want to ask you though." Elise said to Lisbon, still smiling, but looking a little tentative, "I know we've only really gone to yoga together and talked through group meetings, but you're my closest female friend." She admitted, then a little sheepishly she asked, "Will you be the main bridesmaid at the wedding?"

Lisbon felt tears well up in her eyes as she hugged Elise and replied, "Of course!"

Elise grinned, "I can't wait now, its going to be perfect!" She said happily, "And as soon as you get out of here we can go dress shopping!"

The two women had seemed to have forgotten Jane was there as they began to talk about the wedding, but he didn't mind at all, watching Lisbons eyes light up when Elise mentioned that she wanted the bridesmaids to wear lilac, Lisbons favourite colour made him happy. He liked to watch her and watching her now while she was laughing and smiling made everything they had gone through in the last week seem worthwhile because she was alive.

It was then that he realised he had to let go. He was in love with a beautiful woman, a woman whose laugh warmed his heart rather than sent a cold chill running through him. He was in love with a woman who he could hug, he could kiss, he could run his fingers through her hair, place a hand on her warm cheek. He had to let go of his dead wife and daughter because they were gone, they were memories that were fading by the day.

He had loved them, but they had moved on to another plane of existence and he had to focus on this existence, he had a beautiful woman who loved him exactly as he was, she didn't care that he was broken because she loved him and that was rare. He had to stop dwelling on the past so that he could think about his future.

He knew that his wife and child would always have a place in his heart, but there was room for another wife and room for another family too. He hadn't wanted to settle down again, he had sworn that he could never love anyone as he had loved his wife, but then Teresa Lisbon had entered his life.

He wanted a future with her, he wanted to wake up next to her every morning, he wanted to make dinner for her, he wanted to look after her when she was sick, he wanted to have crazy little brown-haired blue-eyed kids running around. He wanted a life with the petite woman lying in the hospital bed next to his and realising this scared the living daylights out of him.

"Patrick." Lisbons gentle voice broke into his reverie and a little startled he turned to face her, she was looking at him; brow furrowed and concern dancing in her eyes.

He smiled, "Sorry, what were you saying?" He asked politely.

"Elise was just saying goodbye to you." She said gently, "You looked like you were pretty deep in thought."

If only she knew, Jane thought to himself. He smiled up at Elise, "Congratulations on the engagement." He said and she thanked him once more, still grinning, "I better hurry up and get to work, I can't use my engagement as the excuse for why I'm late." She smiled at them both, "Kimball and I will visit later." She said as her way of goodbye and then she hurried off to work.

"Are you alright?" Lisbon asked Jane, frowning a little at him, he thought it was cute that she was worried.

He nodded and after a moment of hesitation decided to tell Lisbon the truth, "The engagement just got me thinking" He told her.

Lisbon raised an eyebrow at him, "About what?" she asked and he chuckled, "Not about proposing to you, well not right now anyway." Her eyes widened, but he ignored it and carried on, "I'm selling my Malibu house, it's the past and theres no way I can plan my future when I'm holding on to my past."

Lisbon smiled at him, "You can stay with me." She offered, knowing he was probably just waiting for her to ask him anyway, "I'd like that." He said and the look that passed between them conveyed many unsaid emotions.

Lisbon groaned, "It sucks that I'm so close to you, but I can't kiss you." She seemed genuinely frustrated and Jane grinned, "I can only imagine your despair, after all I am irresistible."

She rolled her eyes, "Dream on." She said cheekily and he grinned, "I don't have to dream, I have you now."

Her cheeks flushed red and he chuckled, "Now clearly you have very different dreams about me."

Her face turned even redder and the heart monitor by her bed beeped as her heart rate increased. Jane grinned, "I really do love you." He said with a smile and amused himself at how the line on the monitor spiked again at the words.

She just glared at him and a few minutes later a nurse walked through the door holding a sheet with Lisbons heart rate on it, she looked at Lisbons bright red cheeks and Janes smirk then sighed, "What did you do to her?"

Jane put on his best innocent face, "Nothing at all. She just can't stand my sexy aura being around her so often."

The young blonde nurse who was rather pretty shot him a dirty look and left the room, he sighed, "I think she's the first person my charm failed on." He grinned at her, "It even worked on you."

"Shut up Jane or I'm going to unplug your morphine."

**To Be Continued**

**A/N-Hehe I am having so much fun writing this now that all the bad Red John stuff is over! In Chapter 15 Rigsby & Jessica go on a date!**


	15. Heaven on The Eyes

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 15**

"I'm not very good at expressing my emotions."

Jane grinned as Cho stood a little awkwardly in front of his hospital bed, "Of course you are Cho." He said.

Rigsby frowned at Jane, he had no idea what was going on, but Jane apparently did, well of course he did. It was Jane, he always knew.

"As you know Elise and I are getting married in August." He said, Rigsby nodded and Jane just continued to smile.

"Elise asked Lisbon to be the bridesmaid and if you two were up for it I would like you both to be my best men. I couldn't pick one of you so…" He trailed off and Rigsby grinned, "Of course man." He said clapping his friend on the back.

With a small smile (which was like a beam for Cho) he turned to Jane who shrugged, "Meh, guess so." He said nonchalantly before letting a grin spread across his face, "Just kidding Cho, I'd love too, I'm honoured, really." And for once Cho was sure the man really was being completely truthful.

**88888888**

Jessica Lisbon was more than a little nervous when she heard a car horn outside as the clock hit 8am. He was exactly on time, good traits already she thought with a smile as she grabbed her bag and left her sisters apartment. Lisbon had given her a key and told her she could have the place to herself until she got out of the hospital.

Jessica had thanked her, but declined her on the offer to stay there longer, instead she said that when Lisbon got out she would buy an apartment, even though Lisbon insisted that it really wouldn't be a hassle having her there.

She made her way out to the car and climbed into the passenger seat, "Good morning." She said happily to Rigsby.

He smiled at her, "Good morning." She was so similar to Teresa Lisbon, his boss, in looks that it freaked him out sometimes, but he was slowly getting used to it. They had got to know each other a little through snippets in the hospital cafeteria or over coffee or a ride home in the last few weeks, but this was the big date.

Lisbon and Jane were getting discharged from the hospital tomorrow and they had decided that once their friends were out they would need a little help so whilst they still had the nurses and doctors around they would go and enjoy themselves.

They chatted away happily in the car about some of the places he was going to show her in San Francisco and how she had to see the Golden Gate bridge at night because it was beautiful. The conversation flowed easily as it always did between the two of them. They were never at a loss of things to say.

With a grin Rigsby told her he had planned every minute of the day out and she felt honoured that he had gone to so much trouble for her. They arrived in San Francisco at half past 9 and their first stop was Union Square. They walked around and window shopped for a while until a pair of shoes caught Jessica's eye. The pair of shoes turned into 3 bags worth of clothes and Rigsby suggested that they move on before she went bankrupt.

They found a small secluded café and settled down for lunch.

"So what do you think so far?" Rigsby asked Jessica as they sipped on coffee waiting for their lunch to arrive.

She grinned widely at him in response, "I think San Francisco has amazing shops." She told him and he agreed with a nod, just to watch her smile again.

As they sat and talked over lunch he found out just how attracted to her he was, she was perfect and he knew if he wasn't careful he would fall hard for her. It was funny how different her personality was to Lisbons despite their identical looks. Lisbon was a lot less carefree than Jessica, but he figured that was because of their different upbringings. In addition to that though Jessica was very flirty, cheeky and funny and although he found his boss hilarious he had never seen her in the way he was seeing Jessica. However when he thought about it she and Janes bickering looked a lot like flirting sometimes, maybe the two women were more alike than he thought.

After they had eaten lunch they had gotten back in the car and Rigsby told her he was taking her somewhere else, but it was a secret. She had rolled her eyes and it was the first time he had seen her do so, it made her resemble his boss even more so, but he thought it was cute.

When they got out of the car Rigsby said, "I present to you the Presidio." He said and when she frowned he explained as they walked along, "this used to be a military post, there is a really cool airfield further up and there is possibly one of the coolest golf courses ever, but don't worry we aren't playing golf."

She smiled at him, "How did you know I was into history and military stuff?" She asked him curiously, but he just grinned and replied, "My little secret."

After stepping back in time Rigsby had taken her to dinner at what looked like it could be the most expensive restaurant in San Francisco and she couldn't help but be honoured at how much effort he had put into the day. She told him as much over diner and he had just smiled and said that it was worth it. She had assumed that they would go home after dinner, but he said she couldn't leave San Francisco without trying the famous Ghirardelli chocolate. Two bars of chocolate and two cups of coffee later found them standing on the Golden Gate Bridge watching the beautiful city as the sun went down.

Easily Rigsby put his arm around Jessica as they watched the sunset and she smiled up at him, "Thank you for the best day of my life." She said and she meant it. She had never had more fun before.

He grinned, "No problem." He said and before he knew it her lips were on his. At first it felt a little odd because she was identical to his boss, but he soon forgot his fears and relaxed into the kiss, when they broke apart she grinned at him, "I think I can safely say now that I am definitely staying in Sacramento for good."

He smiled back at her, "I'm glad." He said and he meant it. It had been almost a month since Grace had turned out to be a crazy psycho and when he heard that she was being sentenced to the death penalty it had been very difficult, but he had found comfort in Jessica who had pulled him through the ordeal and feeling ready he asked the question they both knew needed to be asked.

"Jessica?" She turned away from the setting sun to look at him, he looked nervous and she had a feeling that she knew what was coming next.

"I was wondering if…well I really like you and I wondered if you would…well would you like to go out like this again sometime?" He spluttered out awkwardly. His cheeks flushed pink and she smiled, she thought it was cute when he got flustered.

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" She asked him cheekily.

"I guess I am." He replied with a smile.

She reached up and kissed him again, "Then this is me agreeing." She said and she grabbed his hand before turning back to the beautiful California sunset.

**888888888**

It was around 11.30pm, the night before she and Jane were due to be discharged from the hospital and she had thought this fact might help her sleep, but instead she found that she got no sleep.

It seemed that lately even Jane was sleeping more than her. She was nervous because when she woke up tomorrow morning she would leave the hospital with Jane and they would go to her apartment together. It all seemed so much so fast and although she loved him, god she really loved him, she was still afraid. Some part of her, the part that was scared of abandonment, was afraid that he would hurt her.

She glanced over at the man who was frowning and muttering to himself as he read that mornings paper and she knew in her heart that he would never hurt her, but her head just wouldn't let the little nag go and it was making it very difficult to sleep.

She jumped when her cell rang, it pulled her out of her thoughts abruptly and she noticed a small smile tug at Janes lips when he saw her reaction. She would usually have glared at him, but she was tired and she didn't have the heart tonight.

She glanced at the caller ID and smiled, she had a feeling she knew what this call was about, "Hey Jess." She said as she answered the phone.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jane lower the paper as he listened in on the conversation, god he was so nosy.

Jessica had just gotten back to her (well her sisters) apartment and the first thing she had decided to do was phone her sister, "He asked me to be his girlfriend." She said and although her voice was calm it was obvious she was grinning.

Lisbon laughed, "And you said yes right?"

Jessica grinned, "Yes!" She said happily, "He's lovely, I don't think I've ever met such a sweet guy in my life and he knew that I liked history somehow."

The nosy, pain in the ass that was Jane piped up, "That was my doing."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at him and Jessica asked, "How did Patrick know that I liked history?"

Jane made to open his mouth, but Lisbon waved a hand at him and mouthed 'no' before saying, "He's annoying like that, he's got a weird way of reading people."

Jane grinned at her and she rolled her eyes once more, turning away from the man and focusing on the conversation, "Well I think it's great, but you better not break up, he's one of my best friends and you're my sister that would make my life hell."

Jessica laughed, "Patrick already does that for you." She said cheekily before adding, "Well if you want a little bit of heaven I suppose you got to take a lot of hell."

She raised her eyebrow at Jane who was now grinning widely and said to her sister, "Are you saying my boyfriend is heaven?"

Jessica knew she was only joking, "Well he's definitely heaven on the eyes." She said and Janes grin got (if possible) even wider.

Lisbon laughed, "He is indeed." She said and with a chuckle Jessica said, "I'm going to get some sleep so I can get up in time to pick you up tomorrow, Night Teresa."

"Night Jess." She said before hanging up and placing her cell back on the stand by her bed.

"Well Teresa, it's nice to know that you think I'm heaven on the eyes." Jane said, smirking at her.

She tried to glare at him, but he just looked too cute, she settled for grinning and saying, "Well you may be heaven on the eyes, but you're still hell on the heart."

**To Be Continued**

**A/N- The next chapter is the last proper chapter before the epilogue, I'm sad this fic will be finished soon!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	16. Fresh Starts

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Chapter 16**

The morning of their last day in the hospital had both Jane and Lisbon in high spirits, despite her fears of moving too fast with Jane she felt ready for him to move in with her, they had learnt a lot about each other in the last month they had spent with each other and although sometimes it had been hard as they had been stuck in hospital beds she liked the comforting feeling that Jane was always there for her.

"Ready to go home?" He asked her and she smiled, "You just referred to my home as you're home." She said and she sounded rather pleased about it.

Jane smiled, "It is my home now, home is where the heart is after all."

Lisbon rolled her eyes at the man, sometimes he could be an ass, other times he could be romantic and at times like this he could be downright cheesy, but for some reason she loved it.

"You never actually answered my question." He pointed out with a smile and she nodded, "I am very ready to go home, I'm sick of only being allowed out of bed to use the bathroom. I can't believe you managed for a month without going insane."

He grinned at her, "Thanks to you, if it wasn't for you I probably would have gone insane."

She laughed, "Maybe I should have just transferred rooms and let you." She joked, but he knew that she had enjoyed the company in the last month; she probably would have gone insane stuck in hospital for a month alone too.

The Doctor who had been checking up on them popped into the room and said, "As soon as your designated driver gets here you two are discharged." he then handed them their discharge forms.

"Your employer has been informed that you must both have a months recovery time at home before you can go back to work and Miss Lisbon must come to the hospital once a week for physiotherapy on her leg."

Lisbon nodded, she understood, she had broken bones before and the more physiotherapy you got the faster the bones healed and the better they healed, she was desperate to get back to work, but in a way a month at home with Jane sounded inviting. Waking up with him every morning, having breakfast with him, sitting around watching trashy love films, she needed a break after everything she had gone through lately, the emotional and physical turmoil had weakened her a lot more than she was letting on, but Jane knew of course. How could he not, he knew everything about her.

They thanked the Doctor and took their discharge forms, 10 minutes later Jessica turned up with clothes for them both and once they were changed they were ready to leave the hospital. Jane still had a scar from where he had cut his hand with the knife and there was a long thin red line on his neck as a reminder of the incident, but the injury he had to watch was his chest. The wound was painful and the muscle around it was still healing, if he laughed too much or leant over too far the wound could reopen.

Lisbons wound from where she was shot in the stomach was the least of her worries, luckily it hadn't hit any vital organs as very often with a woman a bullet wound in the stomach meant they couldn't have children. The flesh was still tender and like Jane the wound hurt if she leant over the wrong way, but her leg was the more painful injury. Despite the nurse saying that the break hadn't been bad it still hurt like hell and she needed to keep the cast on for another 2 weeks, she found it hard to use the crutches because of the wound in her stomach and found herself needing help walking very often.

Jessica helped Lisbon into the lift and out to the car, she drove the pair back to Lisbons apartment, grabbed her bags and announced she was off to her new home. Collapsing on the couch, exhausted from the effort it had taken to get home Lisbon had asked, "Where about is your new apartment?"

Jessica grinned, "I'm moving in with Wayne." Lisbons eyes widened, they had just started dating the night before, "Already?" She asked sceptically.

Jessica shrugged, "Hey you don't pick when you fall in love right?" She asked them with a knowing smile, "What would be the point in buying an apartment when I'll end up living at Wayne's anyway, he asked me if I wanted to stay and I agreed that it would be easier."

She turned to Lisbon who looked a little worried, "Don't worry Teresa, I'm staying in the spare room." She said and with that she kissed her sister on the cheek, said goodbye to Jane and she was off.

Jane turned to Lisbon and said, "Well you thought we were moving too fast, I think I can say it runs in the family." He grinned at the shocked look on her face.

"How did you know I thought we were moving too fast?" She asked him and he smiled, "Teresa when will you learn? I'm a Mentalist, you can't keep _anything_ from me."

Lisbon just smiled at him, "We'll see about that." She said and with a slight frown he realised that he didn't really understand her, it was one of those rare occasions. He didn't doubt himself much, but what exactly could she keep from him? He had a feeling he would soon find out.

The next month was filled with phone calls and visits from Lisbons brothers, the team, Jessica and even Hightower on the odd occasion. Lisbon had gotten bored with sitting around with just Jane all day every day so she had invented a new team rule.

Since they couldn't go out to team night with Lisbons leg still on the mend every Friday they had a team (+ partners) night at what was now known as Lisbon and Jane's apartment, rather than Lisbons apartment. That had taken rather a lot of getting used too.

They would get together and have a few drinks and pizza, Cho and Rigsby would inform Jane and Lisbon about the cases whilst Jessica and Elise would either listen in to the work talk or start talking about Elise's wedding.

For the 2 months they were off work a replacement had been brought in. Agent Andrews, a very strict professional woman was leading the team and without Jane cases were going very slow.

On their team nights Cho and Rigsby would fill Jane in on the cases and ask him for his opinion, he would physch read the victims from how they were described and help the best he could, but it wasn't long before Jane and Lisbon realised that _both_ of them really missed work.

The Friday night before Jane and Lisbon were due to go back to work they had the same ritual, but it was more of a celebration for the fact that the boss and the pain in the ass consultant would be back, the CBI bullpen wasn't the same without them.

Jane and Lisbon had both healed perfectly, the final preparations were being made for Cho and Elise's wedding and Rigsby was happier than ever now that he was dating Jessica.

It seemed that a near death experience was all that everyone needed to get their lives back on track again and as Lisbon looked around the table in her small dining room in the apartment she shared with the man of her dreams she could finally see that for once everything was right in her world. Her friends were happy, she was happy; she had an amazing boyfriend, a sister she loved dearly and the best friends anyone could ask for. To top it all off she loved her job and she thanked god every day for all the heartbreak she had been through because in the end you have to go through a lot of hell to have a little slice of heaven.

**The End/Kind of.**

**A/N- Okay so this is the end, but it's not if that makes sense. Theres an epilogue coming up too which is just little flashes of things happening in the future, it probably won't be very long, but I just wrote it for fun and decided to add it in.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. Who I've Been Is Proud of Who I Am

**Who I Am Hates Who I've Been**

**Epilogue**

It was amazing to return to the CBI, they were both welcomed back as the heroes who had caught Red John and although it was a nice extra, they were just happy to be back at work. When Hightower entered the bullpen, giving them an apologetic look and saying they had a case on their first day back Jane and Lisbon were ecstatic to be back on the ball again.

The days turned into weeks and before they knew it Elise and Cho were getting married. As Patrick Jane stood next to his two best friends inside that church and watched the way Cho looked at Elise with such love when she walked down the aisle Jane knew that he wanted this with Lisbon. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she walked down the aisle behind Elise, she looked beautiful and he couldn't wait to see her walking down the aisle again, towards him, in a white dress.

She smiled at him as she stood next to Elise and he smiled back, in that instant he thought that maybe, just maybe she was thinking along the same lines as him.

When Cho and Elise said 'I do' Jane glanced over at Lisbon, his strong kick-ass boss and his strict 'no socks on the floor' girlfriend and saw that she had tears glittering in her eyes. It was then that he realised how close they had all become, not only as a team, but as a group of friends.

When the couple made their way onto the dance floor their first dance was to the song 'More than Words' with a knowing grin Jane and Lisbon took up the floor next and as they looked around the dance floor and watched their friends they realised how much they wanted to be the couple in the middle of the dance floor looking around at the people who they care about, the people they had chosen to spend the most important day of their life with.

Jane had decided there and then that the past was the past, his wife was dead and she would always be dead. He knew she would want him to move on and as he was kissing Lisbon on that dancefloor he poured everything into the kiss, he wanted her to understand that it was her and only her that he wanted now, he had no longings for the past, he only had a longing for a future, a future with her.

On Monday, after the Saturday night wedding when they were working on a case in San Francisco Jane had asked Cho to cover for him whilst he snuck off to buy something. The man had been curious and said he would only cover for Jane if he told him what he was buying, with a grin Jane had said, "An engagement ring." and knowing that once Cho knew what he was doing he would cover for him Jane hurried off.

When he had come back into work later that day after dropping the ring off at the apartment he shared with Lisbon and hiding it somewhere she would never find it (in his underwear drawer, she refused to open it) she had turned on him.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at the man she had come to love.

He grinned at her, a little _too _innocently, "Nowhere dear." He replied before going to his faithful sofa, she had watched him in annoyance, but he knew she wasn't angry, she was more curious about what he had been up to and whether or not it would get her in trouble.

Two weeks later after a particularly gruelling case Lisbon had been left behind to finish the paperwork, Jane usually stayed to keep her company, but tonight he was nowhere to be found. She left the office at 7.30pm and still no sign of Jane, a little worried she called him on her way to the car,

"Jane." He said when he answered the phone.

"Hey Patrick." She had said with a smile, relieved that he was alright.

"Whats wrong?" He asked, probably wondering why she was calling him, they rarely needed to call each other these days as they were always together.

"I was just wondering where you were." She said as she unlocked her car and got in.

"Oh I'm at home." He said casually, but there was something in his voice that sounded a little off and instantly she knew he was up to something, something that would probably involve her. She had said she was on her way home and would see him soon, the entire drive home she wondered what on earth he was planning.

When she walked into the apartment she gasped, there were candles on the floor lining a path into the living room, the furniture had been moved to the side and as she followed the path of candles she saw that a large circle of candles surrounded a small table laid out for two.

Standing in the middle of the circle was Jane, beaming madly at her, when she reached him he took her coat and much to her surprise went down on one knee, "Teresa Lisbon, I have been in love with you since the first day I saw you and you laughed at my paper frog." His grin widened at her nervous chuckle. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, will you do me the honour of becoming my beautiful wife?" He was beaming at her, no confidence issues whatsoever, not that he needed to worry he knew that she absolutely adored him.

Her face broke out into a grin, "Yes!" She said and she let out a squeal when he placed the ring on her finger, Teresa Lisbon rarely squealed and he felt rather honoured as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He had his doubts about proposing until Cho and Elise's wedding and in that moment when she was in his arms he knew he had done the right thing.

It seemed that proposals were catching because only a week later Rigsby proposed to Jessica, remembering their first date he had proposed at sunset on the Golden Gate Bridge, Rigsby had come into work that morning beaming and Cho had instantly known what had happened. Lisbon and Jane already knew as Jessica had called their apartment at half past 1 to tell them the news.

Jessica and Lisbon were going out that day for lunch to discuss wedding plans, being sisters they had both asked each other to be the chief bridesmaid, but Lisbon wanted it to be joint between Jessica and Elise. Jane, like Cho had asked both Rigsby and Cho to be his best men and that morning Rigsby asked both Jane and Cho to be his best men rather than having only one of them.

The weeks turned into months and before they knew it they were in a little church once more. Jane standing wringing his hands nervously with Cho and Rigsby smirking beside him, it was the first time they had ever seen the man doubt himself.

Jane had kept glancing at the church door and with a chuckle Rigsby said, "Don't worry, she's going to show up."

When Lisbon had walked through the double doors she had taken his breath away. She looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her and the adoration and the love in his eyes had brought tears to Jessica's eyes as she watched the scene. Lisbon had beamed at him when she reached the alter and turned to the priest and Rigsby and Jessica had shared smiles, knowing that their turn would come the following month.

Jane and Lisbon said 'I do' and all that was left was the after party which turned into a very memorable night. The first dance was to the very fitting song "Heaven" by Bryan Adams and as the couple danced in the middle of the floor and looked around at their friends and family they couldn't be more happy about the fact that they had been kidnapped and almost killed, all that seemed so trivial now as they danced together on their wedding day.

The night was one full of laughter and joy, but Elise was heavily pregnant and went into labour around midnight, Cho whisked her off to the hospital and Jane and Lisbon decided to postpone the honeymoon for a couple of days. Waking up the next morning as Mrs Teresa Jane made her feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

Cho had called them at 9am and told them that Elise had given birth to a beautiful little girl, Sara Teresa Cho. Teresa had gotten a little teary when Cho told her the little girl's middle name and she was suddenly very happy that she had decided to postpone the honeymoon for a few days.

When they had gone to the hospital to see the delighted couple and seen the beautiful little baby another realisation hit home for the newlyweds, they wanted what Cho and Elise had, they wanted to be parents and have a little baby to look at in the way the new parents did.

Teresa burst promptly into tears when Cho asked them to be godparents to Sara and smiling at his wife Patrick said it would be the greatest honour Cho could bestow on them. Rolling her eyes at the man Teresa agreed and thanked them both so much.

As Patrick watched his wife hold Sara Cho he couldn't help but smile and that night as they packed for their honeymoon they made a decision, they weren't going to try for a baby, but they weren't going to try and not have one either.

"If it happens it happens." Patrick had told her with a smile before placing a kiss on her forehead as he put their suitcases into the boot of the car, "Ready for Rome?" He asked and she grinned, "Of course."

They had returned from their two week honeymoon just in time to help Jessica and Rigsby with the last minute preparations for their wedding and for the 3rd time they found themselves in a little church standing at the alter as a wedding took place.

It was Teresa and Patrick's 2nd time as a bridesmaid and best man only this time they didn't have to look at each other with longing burning in their eyes because they already had each other. Instead they focused on the people they cared about as they got married.

Teresa sighed, "She looks so beautiful." As her sister walked down the isle, in a very different wedding dress from the one she had worn.

Teresa's dress had been a traditional white ball gown wedding dress, but as everyone knew Jessica was much more daring and her white sparkling dress showed off her back and her sides, but she looked gorgeous and she was positively glowing with happiness as she took her place at Wayne's side.

As the couple said 'I do' both Teresa and Patrick beamed, Rigsby had found someone who treated him like a human rather than a chess piece and Jessica had found her soul mate, that much was obvious to anyone watching.

The bout of weddings may have been over, but it was still only the beginning.

**8888888888**

It had been a year and a half since Red John (a.k.a Grace Van Pelt) had been charged with the death penalty and hung on national television.

It was a quiet day in the CBI office. Ever since Teresa and Patrick had married she had spent more time in the bullpen than locked up in her office, with the loss of Grace the bullpen could feel very empty at times with only the 2 Agents and the consultant in it.

On this particularly slow week when no one felt like killing anyone else they had been doing a lot of paperwork, it was for that reason that Teresa had let Cho go home early to his wife and daughter.

Patrick was lying on his couch while his wife did his paperwork for him, she was typing up a whole years worth of reports on the computer for him. He was telling her what to type and she was typing it, he had claimed that he couldn't work a keyboard, but she knew he was just lazy.

Rigsby was doing the same, finishing the last of his reports when a ping announced the arrival of the elevator and his wife hurried into the bullpen. He looked up with a smile, assuming she was there for him, but she was looking at her sister.

Teresa smiled, "Hey Jess." She said without looking up from the computer screen, a little breathlessly Jessica asked, "Can we talk in you're office Teresa?"

She had looked up with a frown and even Rigsby looked a little worried as the two women walked into Teresa's office together. The door clicked shut and Patrick chuckled from his couch.

Rigsby turned on him, "What?" He asked, "What do you know?"

Patrick grinned, "Glass is not sound-proof." He said simply and catching on Rigsby fell silent.

After a moment of whispering that was inaudible there was a loud noise that sounded like two women squealing, at the same time.

Then a voice said, "Me too!" Patrick was thankful (not for the first time) that Jessica was British because he knew the 'me too' came from his wifes mouth.

He sat up on his couch and stared at Rigsby in shock, clearly the not-as-bright man hadn't cottoned on yet, but Jane had a feeling he knew exactly what was going on in the office.

When the two women came out a few minutes later a beaming Jessica had asked Rigsby if he wanted to go out for lunch, curiosity getting the better of him he had agreed.

Teresa had returned to her seat across from Patrick's desk and turned to the man with a smile.

He eyed her suspiciously and she rolled her eyes, "Seriously?" She asked in annoyance.

He knew his wife got annoyed when he figured everything out before she got a chance to tell him herself. Trying not to smile Patrick said, "Right, lets try that again."

Hiding her amusement she stood up, walked out of the bullpen and walked back in, sitting down at the desk again.

"Teresa dear, what was all that about in your office? I have no idea what discussion took place in that little glass room." Patrick said in a purposefully unconvincing voice.

Teresa had rolled her eyes, but ended up grinning, "We're going to have a baby!" She told him and although he had figured this out a week ago he still grinned and pulled her into a hug, hearing the news from her sounded so much better than figuring it out in his head had.

9 months later and two babies were born. Jessica gave birth first to a little brown-haired green-eyed girl and because of the resemblance she called her baby girl 'Terry' after the sister she had loved, lost and found again. Jessica and Rigsby were delighted and little Sara Cho was just as happy to have a playmate. Teresa and Patrick became godparents again and although they were delighted all they really wanted was to become parents.

One week later they had their wish granted when Teresa gave birth to a little blond-haired blue-eyed boy. Patrick had wanted to call him PJ Junior, but Teresa had glared at him and said there was no way they would call their son something so ridiculous. He had given in and suggested Sam after Bosco, touched by the idea she had burst into tears (she blamed the hormones of course) and said that it was a lovely idea.

Cousins Terry Elise Rigsby and Sam Kimball Jane were the last addition to the happy and now perfect CBI family.

Looking back they couldn't believe it had all started in a tiny prison cell. Looking down at their gorgeous baby boy they found themselves laughing as they thanked their lucky stars for what happened that week so long ago because without it they would never have gotten to where they where today.

Looking into Sam Kimball Janes blue eyes made all the pain, all the waiting and all the fear seem worthwhile.

**The End!**

**A/N- Woo! This is finally done! I hope you are happy with the ending and enjoyed the fic! Thank you to everyone who followed this all the way through and thank you to the people who reviewed every chapter, you really kept me writing!**

**Thank you all, you guys are amazing! xxx**


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